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Take A K Away: MIKA vs MIA (A Tanya Competition)
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I got mail. Well a comment from someone calling him/herself TamilTyger after my comments about Mika’s probable blindness*:
Dear Tanya, this is a bit of a cheap shot, even for you. Not to mention the fact that whilst that is a terrible cover, I […]

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What Album Covers Are Really Trying To Tell Us: 5: MIKA – Life In Cartoon Motion
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Mika is a pop wunderkind isn’t he? Not content with “trying a little Freddie” in his intercontental balistic miss of a single Grace Kelly, he is now – er – trying a little Freddie in his Fat Bottom Girls rip “Big G[…]

IHM Health & Safety watch: THE WATERBOYS “The Whole Of The Moon”
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Mike Scott was not a clever man. For instance, he seems unaware that all he has to do to see the whole of the moon, rather than a crescent, is wait a couple of weeks.
However, the object of his affections in this song is perhaps even more stupid than[…]

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Bible Of Badness Special: 1 Corinthians 15:55
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Biblical scholars, have recently queried the standard translation of this particular part of the Bible. One of the more famous bits, this common exclamation was seen as a way of thundering against mortality, at challenging the heavens and claiming o[…]

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What Album Covers Are Really Trying To Tell Us: 4: Arcade Fire – Neon Bible
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I set fire to an arcade once.
Well, who could resist burning the leaping loons playing Dance Dance Revolution. I heard the thumping base of “You Can’t Touch This”, two synchronised robo-teens and all I could think of, whilst lightin[…]

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They Are Coming For Our Kids
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Why is pornography on the top shelf of a newsagents? Why are skin flicks on late at night? Why has Bob Dylan got a face that would scare off any babe-in-arms?
SIMPLE: TO KEEP THIS SICK FILTH AWAY FROM OUR CHILDREN.
I also used to think this was why t[…]

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Tanya’s Army Of Awfulness: CAPTAIN BEEFHEART
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Really.
Do I have to write any words at all?
Surely John Peel’s love for Don Van Vliet says it all. Surely the sunken hearts of every teenager who bought Trout Mask Replica in the belief it was the best album ever, only to realise it was a coll[…]

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Tanya’s Army Of Awfulness: LIEUTENANT PIGEON
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Ha ha, finally I get the jump on my arch-nemesis Tom Ewing and his music loving ways. Over on his tedious attempt to commit suicide / listen to every UK number one ever he is stuck in the hinterland on 1972. Possibly with the odd sequin between his t[…]

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Tanya’s Army Of Awfulness: WARRANT (OFFICER) – Cherry Pie
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“Damn fine Cherry Pie”. Such was Agent Smith’s catch phrase in David Lynch whacked-out-a-thon Twin Peaks. (A TV show responsible for not only Julee Cruise’s aural mogadon “Falling” but THE ENTIRITY OF MOBY’S […]

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Tanya’s Army Of Awfulness: XTC – SERGEANT ROCK
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Actually the XTC single is called Sgt.Rock, where Sgt is the abbreviation for Sergeant. Which is not surprising for XTC, a band so poor at spelling that they could not spell their own name. Even the home counties numb-nutts that were EMF knew that Ec[…]

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Latest comments on FT

  1. Tom, I loved loved loved these polls and participated obsessively, until one day (it was March 2023) I just stopped…

  2. I feel sad that I couldn't persistently engage in every poll as much as I'd have liked - and not…