Perpetual Dawn – Perpetual Yawn more like.
Dr Alex Patterson – Doctor of tedium did not invent ambient music. He refined it – much like Shell do not invent the oil, they refine it and turn it into a substance that primarily (from a […]

LOADED 1990- PRIMAL SCREAM
“Just what is you want to do, Bobby?”
“Well Tanya, what I really want to do is get the indie boys and girls onto the dance floor and make them dance like demented scarecrows trying to rid themselves of ars[…]

You might have thought that Morse code had been rendered obsolescent by WAP phones and ISDN. Not so – the “dot-dash” lives on in its more irritating “bleep-blop” incarnation, thanks to Warp.
Warp has been going for 10 y[…]

Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom – the dopplered sound of a souped up GTi hurtling down any road anywhere – Eee’d up, trendy sunglasses, and ultimately, a Ben Sherman shirt clad member of the Unofficial War Against Guitars army. A speak[…]

Yes kids, any blunted moron with a sampler can now become an musical icon!
The idea that someone would purposely take the do-it-yourself-even-if-you-have-no-talent aesthetic of bad punk music and combine it with the worst idea in hip-hop (namely that[…]

Or how to make your own Guided By Voices masterpiece.
1. Take an old R.E.M. song, you know from one of the earlier, better albums (in as much as solid stools are preferable to sloppy shits).
2. Remove lyrics (not sounding bad so far eh?)
3. Start fif[…]

ooooooooooooOO OOOOOOoooooooOOO OOOOooOOVVVVVV VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV VVVVVVVVV VVVVVVVVVV VVVVVVVVVVVVvvvvvvvVVVVVVvVVVVV VvVvVveeeeeeeee eeerrrrrrrRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRR rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaa aaaaaAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAA[…]

Music critics and feckless college kids (more on them later) continue to have orgasms over this mess, presumably informed by the same if-it’s-dull-and-dry-it-must-be-deep sensibility that showers accolades on such tedium-fests as Springsteen, t[…]

BRITNEY SPEARS – Hit Me Baby One More Time
Classic pop? What, have suddenly all the music journos, pop pundits and sad indie wankers realised that their pet bands were churning out crap guitar fellatio? Lost in the desert of piss poor music […]

TANYA HATES JAZZ
When I was a young girl, skipping through the cornfields which ringed my idyllic childhood hamlet, I had nothing but happy thoughts. I had not yet entered the big bad world and my ears had been relatively untroubled by noises beyond […]