Perpetual Dawn – Perpetual Yawn more like.

Dr Alex Patterson – Doctor of tedium did not invent ambient music. He refined it – much like Shell do not invent the oil, they refine it and turn it into a substance that primarily (from a long term ecological point of view) creates pollution. Dr Alex, and his early doors collaborator Thrash – never was a man so wrongly monikered – hit on the fine idea of dance music you cannot dance to, hence laying the ground for much of the nineties worse aural excesses.

The Blue Room? The Poo Room more like.

Thrash left due to creative differences. Who was going to create the tea can be the only obvious difference they had. Did no-one realise that the Victor Lewis-Smith sample on U.F.Orb was the high point of their career? They did nothing with it, just tagged it at the beginning of Towers Of Dub.

Towers Of Dub? Towers of Shite more like. (Yeah, I’ll admit that one doesn’t work so well.)

When you are reduced to making witty updates of Jean-Michel Jarre tracks, without the lasers, your career is over. One can only wonder how it came about in the first place. I knew a guy once who loved The Orb. Late at night he used to take the speakers from his stereo, place them on the floor one foot apart, place his head between and listen to Adventures Beyond The Ultraworld stark bollock naked on the floor in the dark. We can only imagine what he did in those two hours to amuse himself. He used to call this Orbing. Ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case.

Assassin. Yes please.

* The Orbs’ live album (imagine – oh the humanity) was called Orb Live ’93, in as much as it purported to be an accurate representation of the bands live performances in the year of someone’s lord 1993. It was dull so I won’t argue with that. However, Dr Patterson noted that Orb Live’93 read backwards was Evil Bro’ 39. And wait, did not World War 2 start in 1939? And an evil bro could be an evil brother – brother taken in the sense of black slang as in person: my god they must mean Hitler. Sheesh – well spotted Pogo, you should join the Jehovah’s Witnesses with logic like that. (Early doors JW’s thought the world was going to end in 1914. When it didn’t they revised their prediction to it being “a bit of a bad year”.) Anyway, 1993 in reverse is 3991. I look forward to seening the evil brother of that year with trepidation.