Mar 07

The FreakyTrigger Periodic Table

Blog 7 + FT19 comments • 116,064 views

What is the Periodic Table of FreakyTrigger? The best way to describe it is to firstly say what it is not, and then to say how it was made. If it all makes sense after that, then this truly is a project that you might get something out of. Here it is:
The FreakyTrigger Periodic Table

What the FreakyTrigger periodic table is not: science – not even in the loosest limbed definition that FT uses (ie thought experiments and puns). It is not a way of ordering the world, the makers of the dessert periodic table put up last week would be quite disappointed by the general lack of periodicity. Whilst there may be some serendipity in the periodic placement of some of the “elements”, this is more by accident than by design. Indeed the design merely fits that of the periodic table because that was the idea in the first place. And as the methodology shows, any over-arching idea to create a consistent cosmology out of this project was soon scuppered by the organic scourge of many bright ideas. Alcohol.

So to the methodology then. The annual between Christmas and New Year pub crawl. This year we wandered the streets of Borough, going to some terrific pubs, one terrible pub and as is tradition, one was shut. The usual ending for this long day of drinking is some sort of list making, often with complex vetoing. The periodic table (perhaps in a more elemental form) was decided on as the topic weeks before. The methodology changed from a round the table discussion to a free for all, everything named got in. (See element 8). At this time of the evening only the hardcore drinkers were left. Fathers, lightweights, pregnoids and not quite announced pregnoids had left. A few randoms were in the posse, and there were plenty of people unaware of FreakyTrigger itself. And yet the list throws up some wonderful things, and some things worthy of discussion.

So over the next seven years* we will be perusing this periodic table, talking about what it throws up. Starting tomorrow with our hydrogen. In the meantime though, here it is, in its full glory – chemical symbols only. Feel free to guess what some of them are. I am pretty sure that the contributors, back in December, have no idea.

And first things first, tomorrow we will discover what our version of hydrogen is…

*Estimate based on time taken to get through the FT Top 100 tracks of all time.


  1. 1
    Admin on 29 Mar 2007 #

    Where is FUN – should be Fn i rec

  2. 2
    Pete Baran on 29 Mar 2007 #

    Not all of the atomic names are as simple to work out as that Alan, you should know that. If fun was there though, it would probably be called Wk.

  3. 3
    Rick on 29 Mar 2007 #

    No 4 is clearly PIE.

  4. 4
    Andrew Farrell on 30 Mar 2007 #

    Consider the close-but-opposite nature of #4 and #5 there.

  5. 5
    katie on 30 Mar 2007 #

    58 = hahaha
    91 = puns
    93 = EGG as in long egg
    20 = pregnoids!
    26 = Ayingerbrau
    32 = PUB (tho there are 2 “P”s!)

  6. 6
    Tim on 30 Mar 2007 #

    I thought Lv was the 5th element.

  7. 7
    Pete on 30 Mar 2007 #

    Well bang goes THAT joke.

    Actually I;ll just use it again.

  8. 8
    Sarah on 30 Mar 2007 #

    88 = house!

  9. 9
    Kat on 31 Mar 2007 #

    61 can’t be Zero 7, can it?

  10. 10
    Rob Brennan on 31 Mar 2007 #

    50 = me?

  11. 11
    Al Ewing on 31 Mar 2007 #

    Zp = Space war?

  12. 12
    Pete on 31 Mar 2007 #

    Someone has a good memory considering how drunk he was! Coming soon…

  13. 13
    testicles on 26 Sep 2007 #

    wtf is up w/all the nerds who comment this?? you all so gay!!!!! cheese and rice man! lalalalalalaaaaaa im sorry im just bored and im in class and none of these fuckin websites will help me with my work. i feel like dancing to my music! break it down! oh baby oh baby i need you oh baby!! me so horny
    ok ppls!!
    love yas!

  14. 14
    Alan on 26 Sep 2007 #

    WHERE IS ELEMENT FOUR? and didn’t they do the big brother theme?

  15. 15
    Pete Baran on 26 Sep 2007 #

    Element 4 coming soon.

  16. 16
    Pete Baran on 26 Sep 2007 #

    Sorry, Element 4 already done, element 5 coming soon (list updated).

  17. 17
    Elinor on 22 Oct 2014 #

    39 is a y

  18. 18
    Elinor on 22 Oct 2014 #

    39 is a y

  19. 19
    Gas on 5 Mar 2022 #

    Even in 2022, this made my day. Thanks.

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