Pop stars are notoriously insecure types. They think often that what they are doing is not in any way worthwhile. And I don’t blame them. They’re right. But one of the ways a record company tries to bouy up their egos is by adding real, actual classical musicians to play on their record. Or if they are unlucky they get in the Chronos Quartet.

The CQ are a bunch of chancers, probably drop-outs from some conservatory, who play pop classical music. This means in reality rearrangements of very simple songs (say by musical half-wits like Elvis Costello) slowly and with what they imagine is gravitas. I remember when University Challenge had a decent theme tune, all clanging bells and what-not. Now it is some syrrupy cello heavy, frown-along-with-the-Chronos nonsense. Indeed it is telling that the Chronos Quarter rarely ever do any classical music at all, rather stuff by such great, complex composers like Phillip Glass and the bloke out of Pop Will Eat Itself wot does film soundtracks now. And how serious can you be when you are playing music written by the man who wrote Beaver Patrol.