Locals, I like locals. Indeed I like locals so much there are very few locales in which I don’t have local. Which is why I always hated Cheers, the popular television program supposedly set in an American bar. Local my arse. Let us examine the theme tune to the program to see why it is so hateful:
‘Making your way in the world today, takes everything you’ve got
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot’

Already a complete misunderstanding of my perfect bar. I don’t want a place peopled with furrowed brows moaning about their shitty little office job. Come over to me and tell me how Brian in accounts is really doing your head in and you are liable to get a gin soaked swizzle stick in your eye.

‘Wouldn’t you like to get away,
Sometimes you want to go – where everybody knows your name…’

Of course I don’t want to go where everyone knows my name. I’ve never been to a pub where I’ve allowed more than five people to learn my name. Last thing I want is people asking me to buy them drinks for the mere reason of name knowledge. I shudder if I hear someone shout ‘Your round Tanya’ – not because I am not the soul of generosity but it is altogether too presumptious. By all means buy me a drink, but we are not entering into any social contract here.

Let us look at those words again. ‘Wouldn’t you like to get away?’ What are you getting away from. I fear this is made clear by the next line. You see there is only one place I can think of where everybody knows your name. And that my friend is PRISON. And certainly you would like to Getaway rather than go to prison. Or, in this case, a false fronted TV sanitised idea of a bar peopled by halfwits, quarterwits and that intellectual genius that is Woody Harrelson.