Penguins are so great that you could easily construct a top five of penguins. So easily that even though Blogger just et the first run round of this post, I am doing it again.

5: The Emperor Penguin
Looks like a butler, yadda yadda. Falls over when planes fly overhead (no it doesn’t!) The Emperor Penguin is undoubtedly a cool looking creature and that cannot be denied. This is not the reason why it is so great however. Rather its name gives it an undeniable position in the hierachy of animals. Now I know that an Admiral Butterfly is not really equipped to command a flotilla of boats: and equally no penguin should ever be left in charge of an empire. But you do give it that extra bit of respect nevertheless. In the ice kingdom the emperor penguin is king.

4: The King Penguin
Or at least would be if it wasn’t for the king penguin.

3: Penguin Books
Certainly middle-class houses in the UK are held up almost exclusively by their stock of Penguin Books. And the man who designed the classic look, the two colour paperback hoops, was designing for fifty years on and secondhand bookshop browsing. A wonderful smell and retreat into England comes with the apwing of a vintage penguin. Of course the spoilerific introductions of Penguin classics leave a lot to be desired, but great penguins nevertheless.

2: P-p-p-pick Up a Penguin
They always say how Murray Walker and Salman Rushdie wrote some iconic ad slogans. Well I do not know who wrote “P-p-p-pick up a penguin” but odds are that is because it is such a bloody great slogan he got paid loads to stay in the business. He elevated the simple chocolate covered bourbon biscuit into the high of kiddie desire. Familial favouritism could be bought by a mere penguin save din the biscuit tin. I knew my parents did not love me because we never had penguins. They are best served from the freezer by the way.

1: The Penguin
Not Tim Burton’s rubbish version. As hilarious as the idea of a deformed baby raised in a penguin enclosure by penguins is, it does not make for a good villain. Indeed what marks The Penguin out as a Batman villain is his lack of grotesquery. He is a mobster rather than a monster. Of course Batman could beat him and his silly umbrellas in a fight. But the bemonicled baddie would never go mano et batmano. He is a fixer, a mover, a shaker and a thinker. The best kind of villain. And lest we forget, played by Burgess Meredith in the 1960’s TV show. Before you mock, that guy taught Rocky all he knew about fighting.