THINGS THAT ARE IMPOSSIBLE (But Pubs Expect us To Do): 4

Believe that any food served within has actually been prepared and cooked on the premises. Home cooked is a phrase often bandied about, but what it actually means is it was cooked in someone’s home somewhere along the line. And if you provide a little bed for the security guard in the Soggy Chips’n’Lasagne Factory you can call anything a home. Which leads to the follow-up question, if the food is being blasted in the microwave for two minutes, why does it take half an hour to get to us? Merely to preserve the home-cooking illusion – which as I not – it is thoroughly impossible to believe in.