DUEL! 2002 — Round 2 Match 4
Over once again to Mr Pete Baran to set the scene for today’s Duel!:
‘This second-round clash is a classic in the Noel Gallagher vs Liam Gallagher sense. Do we go for the band for whom stupidity is their raison d’etre – or the sensitive, songwritery, supposedly intelligent Irishman who released the worst cover version in history?
On the side of the stupid we have Limp Bizkit. Now plenty of bands have spelt their names wrong for comic effect in the past, but at least a Lead Zeppelin or a Death Leopard were effective names in their own right. A limp biscuit is pretty much a Rich Tea after it’s been dunked in your tea. Not in any way an appealing option – and nor oddly are Fred Durst’s band of “Not good enough to be rappers, not good enough to be metallers”.
At least they are unassumingly daft though. David Gray wears his heart on his sleeve – which should make it easier to grab it and stop it from beating. Though it would be a very slow, boring beat like all his very slow boring songs. To turn “Say Hello Wave Goodbye” into a twelve minute trudge through misunderstanding he surely deserves the next round.’
LAST MATCH — Travis vs Badly Drawn Boy
TRAVIS — 80 votes
‘a truly difficult decision. travis can be considered “adult contemporary”, but then mr gough wrote the soundtrack for the last n. hornby movie. how P!O!P! is that? Travis wins, but only because they’ve already made THREE albums full of sh*t, one more than mr gough.’ (+1)
‘Travis is so much worse. Badly Drawn Boy wears a bobble hat ha ha! It looks like a tea cosy! And he’s got a filthy beard – he looks like a TRAMP! HA ha.’ (+1 for Travis I suppose)
‘sing sing sing sing sing sing sing you gotta sing sing sing sing….
go for that ivor novello award fran, you fukkin deserve it mate!’ (+1)
‘How could you LIKE Travis? It would be like getting excited about DIY or getting enthusing about a new brand of kitchen towel. On the other hand, how could you be arsed to actively hate them. They’re just *there* aren’t they, like nitrogen in the air. An insubstantial, colourless, jock-lite NOTHING.
I can understand hating BDB, as he’s a stinky tramp, old before his time and arrogant too. Thing is, that’s better than being NOTHING.’ (+1)
‘Travis Aka Trav-arse – are another band I hate – unfortunately my local alt radio station Xfm – plays every single they release – everytime their music comes on – it bores me immensely – sing was a horrid repeative inane simpleton dire crap – but that new track with bumbling guitar banjo and inspid dull vocals is ghastly – Oh my flowers in the rain – Travis could not be more boring if they tried – Fran Healey what a total plank, but why do their albums sell over a Million – thats a Million Brits suffering from Brain-Rot.
Anyone owning a Travis CD should be laughed at. Boring music for dullards.
[The other twats in this round Badly Drawn Boy are crap too, that new single – oh ah oh ah – what a loud of absolute bollox. I would expect there is a high correlation between Travis and Badly Drawn Bore fans – music for Q readers with Car Stereo tuned into Virgin.]’ (+1 — can you guess whose comment this is readers)
‘Popularity stokes hatred. In the States, both artists were likeable enough when still under the radar of MTV and mainstream press.
Travis though, with their less pretty, more crappy follow up to The Man Who, grabbed a bit of MTV airtime with the video for “Sing Sing, Sing.” The song and video fit perfectly together. Both were boring and insipid and made me want to shoot people.’ (+1)
‘Both are good, in my opinion, but Damon Gough scores extra good points for his exquisite About A Boy album. Sorry, Travis.’ (+0!!)
‘Oh Christ, they’re both boring and smell of wee – of course BDB even looks like a piss stained tramp. But then, oh my goodness, that Travis drummer. Oh dear.’ (Not sure who gets the points here)
‘Why Me Drift Me Rain Flowers Wood Writing Wood Rain Wood Writing Wood Flowers Why Me Wood Rain Sing Rain Side Reach Side Flowers Window Turn Writing Always Side Writing Flowers Me You Rain Writing Rain Rain Reach Turn Window Wood Drift Flowers Reach Drift Side Always Turn Turd Turd Turd Turd TURD.’ (+1)
‘I own the first two Travis albums. I was not actually ashamed of this until I heard “Sing”, the worst song ever _not_ performed by Ja Rule, Starsailor or Gorillaz. Now, I’m reduced to posting anonymously that I own Travis albums because I can’t bear the stigma.’ (+1)
‘All the stupid bits in Bewilderbeast make the good stuff stand out more, and there is some good stuff mixed in there, really there is. Travis are too tame to even have any stupid bits. Boring boring boring. No contest.’ (+1)
BADLY DRAWN BOY — 25 votes
‘Problem is I actually like songs from both of the contestants. sorry. Shit, I forgot about sing sing sing. Well BDB gets it for me purely on hype value and failure to follow through. Though perhaps he has followed through in good ol’ fashioned tramp stylee.’ (+1)
‘I have absolutely nothing against Travis…they are so ineffectual…voting for them would be like voting for park ducks because they were floating on a pond. Pointless. Badly Drawn Boy = from the bed sit to the Notting Hill penthouse, his tracksuits and silly hats = he is J Kay. His songs suck. (I voted for BDB)’ (+1)
‘A Brittney Cover!!!!
If I have to see another bearded indiekid I may scream, strangle them, scream, run into a music store screaming, break every banjo in sight and grab all the BDB cds, scream, while on the way out grab Nikelbacks cds and burn them all while laughing manicaly.
Travis is winning SHOCKAH! sniffle.’ (+1)
FINAL RESULT: Travis — 88 (76%) — BDB 28 (24%)