BORE-BITAL
Male pattern baldness. Has there ever been a better sign of tedium in pop? Alopecia is just not a good sign in any band, lets pick off some examples. The grand Pooh-Bah of baldness would be Brian Eno o?course. He made Music For Airports. O[…]

FEAR (And Loathing) OF MUSIC
In TV or comic book parlance, “talking heads” refers to that bit where the action stops and the characters stand around explaining things: sometimes a vital part of a narrative’s structure it’s mor[…]

ISAAC HAYES – The Theme From Shaft
Wicky Wicky Wicky.
How far did Isaac Hayes’ balls drop? Was there some terrible sound of a couple of pool balls being let go from about three feet when it occurred. Because when Isaac sings, the deep bas[…]

ILM LYRIC WATCH – Michael Jackson
“My life will never be the same, cos girl, you came and changed the way I walk” – “You Rock My World”.
Really Michael? From your voice I’d have thought you’d be used to[…]

VAN MORRISON – Like A Jelly Roll
Van The Man. What kind of nickname is that? Its as if he was so dull that the couldn’t think of any distinguishing factors of his personality to hang a sobriquet on. Truth is of course that a lot of people[…]

THE BEACH BOYS – Fun? Fun? Fun?
I was cornered by a man with what can only be described as yellow hair in my local gin palace last week, something which perturbed me greatly. I dislike being cornered at the best of times, but when I have to fea[…]

MANIC STREET PREACHERS – Let Robeson Sing
I have to say I feel for Nicky Wire. Not because of his passionate lyrics and political committment, though to be fair he’s not actually worse at those than the bloke from The Alarm. But because h[…]

CHARLATANS WATCH 2001
As avid viewers of I Hate Music will know, I have a particular fondness for The Charlatans and their life jacket lipped frontman Tim Burgess. The jist of this stems from guessing which icon of rock or pop will they rip off on ea[…]

STARSHIP – Nothings Gonna Stop Us Now
Except not having another hit ever again. I reckon Grace Slick and Yazz still hang around down Safeways bemoaning the fact that the only way actually isn’t up, and that something did indeed stop them […]

Being bedridden in hospital has its down sides as well as its perks. Most of these I irradicated by replacing my saline drip with one parts Tanq and two parts tonic – it glowed eeriely at night but the evening staff barely noticed. However your[…]