ISAAC HAYES – The Theme From Shaft

Wicky Wicky Wicky.

How far did Isaac Hayes’ balls drop? Was there some terrible sound of a couple of pool balls being let go from about three feet when it occurred. Because when Isaac sings, the deep bass sets up reverberations in the very firmament on which the earth is built. It also makes me want to shit.

“Who’s the black private dick that’s a sex machine to all the chicks?”

Er- Isaac –

“Who’s the man who would risk his neck for his brother man?”

Look – Isaac – the song is called the Theme From Shaft. Shaft is a movie about-

“Who’s the cat that won’t cop out when there’s danger all about?”

Maybe its Alzheimers or something. I don’t know but it seems odd to me that Isaac Hayes, he of the improbably low slung cojones, cannot remember who he is singing about. The track is called the theme from Shaft. Shaft is a film about a private detective, a man who appears at least to risk his neck for his – ahem – brother man. (That’s brother man – rather than Brotherhood Of Man – only a fool and a fuckwit would try to save the mush merchants who peddled us Save All Your Kisses For Me). Isaac – the man’s name is Shaft.

Wicky Wicky funk guitar is one of the laziest inventions in music ever. Guitar, wah wah peddle and no talent whatsoever is required to make the sound of a train crossing some points. Couple it with a simplistic brass hit and you are left with a piece of merchandising which begs to be put out of business. The backing singers keep telling Isaac to shut his mouth. And you can tell that they mean it. Not only is he making a fool of himself with his forgetting the name of the song antics, but the bass rumble is probably pulverizing their spinal columns. Shut your mouth Isaac or you might find out the answer to this question:

“Who is the chick who wants to destroy all of music”


Yo damn right.