I had resigned to going to Japan, despite David Sylvian. Can you really go around the world and not visit the land of the rising sun? I had already been to the House Of The Rising Sun as a girl and was partially responsible for its forced name change to the House Of The Just Burnt Down.

But Tokyo is a major transport hub, and it is difficult to keep going east without it. Furthermore I like eating sushi (despite the Neneh Cherry album) mainly because the idea of eating Fish raw appeals. That and shooting him in a barrel. Indeed any way of torturing the ex Marillion lead singer cheers me up.

That said I was not ready for the full on lights, noise and indecipherable script of Tokyo. I ended up walking around in a daze, the bright lights of Ginza confusing me. I ended up wandering through the Ueno backstreets, trying to find somewhere to stay, just to put the noise out of my mind. In the end I found what appeared to be a hotel and book a room – even though I felt paying by the hour was a bit extortionate.

Imagine my surprise and horror when after three hours of blissful sleep some girls dressed as sailors broke in, found a microphone and started singing. HORROR: I had accidentally booked a karaoke box thinking it was a hotel room!

PIZZICATO FIVE – Tokyo Mon Amour

Hey look kids, its a craaazzeee Japanese Band. They are singing in foreign but who cares when its all kitschy retro soundtrackee stuff like this. Remember one member of Dee-lite was Japanese, and they were great, weren’t they? Weren’t they?

NO. DEE-LITE were bubblegum corpse robbers whose hip-hop sensibilities just about allowed them to spell hip-hop, but not get beyond one song whose only legitimate selling point was the sound of a swanee whistle. And yet this seems to be the only justification for people even considering listening to the Pizzicato Five. People were listening to them ironically perhaps? Well why couldn’t they listen to them silently as well?

But okay, if that’s not enough reason to consign the Japanese Other Two to the Yo! Sushi discard pile, how about this sorry fact. There are only two members of the Pizzicato Five. Only one other band has ever thought it really funny to have a band made up of less than five members be referred to as a “five”. And that band was led by Ben Folds.

I rest my case. There is no more damning evidence.

I Hate Music