Day 29: Philadelphia

According to a local bystander it was like watching a giant orange streak across the sky, ie a bit like Rod Stewart being fired out of a cannon. It was certainly accurate as we were in a giant orange spacehopper heading for the Earth. We passed out due to the heat, and when we came to we disembarked the alien craft to find a small welcoming party.

“We come in peace,” Crispian said.
“Where are we?” I asked.
“Philadelphia,” A cop trying to work out if we had broken any laws said.
“What’s the date?” Crispian asked, I think trying to convince them he was some sort of season space time traveler. They told us.
“That leaves us fifty one days,” Crispian said.

Oh. The going round the world thing. I had kind of hoped that plummeting from out of space would have increased our progress a touch, but Philadelphia was almost a step back from Florida. Still, while there I could look in on one of my favourite musical instruments in the world: The Liberty Bell. Not a favourite because it is an awesome reminder of the principles of the US and life, liberty and freedom., Rather that it has a great big crack in it and is therefore busted.

NEIL YOUNG – Philadelphia

So there is this film. A serious, serious piece about homophobia and HIV with hard hitting actors Denzel Washington and Tom Hanks (Well at least Denzel hits hard, he has played a boxer). And they need a theme tune which explains to people how serious the film is. Who do they go to?

Bruce Springsteen.

Well yes. Stupid as that might seem getting the three minute blue collar cliche king to knock one out for them .But they also went to Neil Young. Were they hedging their bets in case Bruce delivered something rubbish? But hold: you remember the Streets Of Philadelphia. A more dull tune you could not imagine from Bruce, coupled with pedestrian lyrics. Which therefore can only suggest one thing. Neil Young’s song Philadelphia must be EVEN WORSE.

So imagine. Worthy lyrics: check.
Appeal to so called life and liberty in Philadelphia: Check
That nasty high singing thing Neil does: Double Check
Cacophonous feedback: Left in the toybox that morning thank Christ.
Mixing up fraternal brotherly love with full on male homosexual sex so as not to worry deep south constituency: Check
Really really rubbish song: What do you think?

I Hate Music