coke zeroDo you remember 80s film Flight of the Navigator? I have seen it about ninety grillion times – the story of a boy who gets abducted by ALIENGS and then ends up returning to his family about 10 years in the future or so to find his brother is OLDER than him – gosh!! Anyway, plenty of things have changed in the world since he’s been gone – Sarah Jessica Parker has stopped her ballet training and got a part in the film as some sort of assistant at the Science Park that is looking after the little boy. He’s got to be fed and clothed, right? So what do all boys like to drink? COKE PLEASE!

Except – STOP RIGHT THERE PUNY CHILD!! It is the 80s and now we have LOTS of coke! Small child sits there bemused as SJP reels off, “Will that be new Coke, diet Coke, classic Coke, cherry Coke or caffeine-free Coke?”. Haha! The 80s! What sort of a tiny list is THAT! These days we have SIXTEEN VARIETIES at least and new kid on the block is COKE ZERO!

But hold on grandad, we had diet Coke back in TEH 80s… do we need another one with a new name? I’ve spent the afternoon being confused about the exact nature of Coke Zero – is it just zero caffiene? No, they’d say. Zero calories?! But that’s diet Coke! WTF! Finally, I went to the newsies to compare and contrast, and the difference appears to be that they’ve rejigged the levels of aspartame and acesulfamate potassium so there’s a slight chemical difference and you still get the same manky taste of articifical sweeteners. The main difference is that it’s not a “diet” drink, it’s a “lifestyle” drink aimed primarily at young males. Presumably the ones that were previously on their diet Coke breaks? Apparently Cheryl Tweedy is going to start flogging it. Men like Cheryl Tweedy. BUT HAS SHE EVER WORN TWEED? Oh, that’s not the point. OK then. Here’s another interesting bit on Coke Zero from The Diet Blog, which lists the other flavours of coke available in the US at this point. Have they missed any of our UK brands out, Pumpkin readers?

  • Diet Coke
  • Caffeine Free Diet Coke
  • Diet Coke with Lime
  • Diet Coke with Lemon
  • Diet Cherry Coke
  • Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Coke
  • Diet Vanilla Coke
  • Diet Coke with Splenda (don’t have this in the UK I think?)
  • Coca-Cola Zero
  • Coca-Cola C2 (again, wtf, not UK market I think)
  • Coca-Cola Classic
  • Coca-Cola with Lime
  • Coca-Cola Blak (VOM – currently not in UK market either and lets hope it never DOES make it across the pond, yakfest)
  • Cherry Coke
  • Vanilla Coke (VOM)
  • Caffeine Free Coca-Cola Classic
  • Finally – is it any coincidence that I have started mis-reading the word “Coke” as “GROKE”???