Posts from 12th October 2005

12
Oct 05

WHO BUILT THE MOON WATCH: Chapter 10

Proven By Science1 comment • 636 views

THEORY 1: The Moon was built by…GOD.

As the book has not been all that keen on creationism, it is clearly that this idea is given relatively short shrift. Sure, God in his omnipotence, could certainly have done all the things suggested in the book. By why would he? This chapter is loathe to wander into pastures philosophical: and so doesn’t, and rather chooses to quote Douglas Adams which is more than an error.

The problem with the God hypothesis is clearly that it seems a pretty convoluted way to do what he did. If God wants people, then he would make people. And he wouldn’t bother with leaving the moon as a message to prove it.

So dissatisfied with this conclusion is the book that it never considers various ideas like:
a) God existed but died, and this was his legacy
b) A slightly less omnipotent God
c) The moon as a celestial alarm clock.

Clearly the correct out for the God hypothesis is that he set everything in motion, and then went for a kip. Our reading of the “message of the moon” is to wake him up WHICH IS WHY THE MOON RINGS LIKE A BELL.

(There is no science at all in this chapter.)

Who Knew?

FT + New York London Paris Munich1 comment • 413 views

Why have the two words Still and Midway been drifting around the atmosphere of late? Whenever we need a straw man that encompassed much of the worst of low achieving 90’s indie, we discard the Senseless Things, run right past the Mega City Four for Midway Still. And what’s this. Somehow Midway Still have a greatest hits album.

Sorry, let me say that again. A double compilation of their finest work.

Read: weep at I Will Try. Especially at the potential cover versions on disc two (to be continued)…

Garnish and Salad Skillz

Pumpkin PublogPost a comment • 781 views

Last night I made one of the most accomplished meals of my life. And it wasn’t the Aubergine Parmageana, or the Curried Parsnip Soup that made me feel this was a great meal, though those items were fabulous. Those items also came from recipes and so how can I claim credit. But I can claim inspiration for garnishes, the sides and the salad which, whilst simple, made me feel for the first time that I was really getting the hang of matching food and flavours.

So with the parsnip soup: I used the rest of the parsnips to make some parsnip chips that gave the soup a nice crunch. The swirl of cream made it nice and rich, and then a sprinkle of toasted cumin seeds to bring an immediacy to the spiciness. The salad though tested an idea I had been toying with for a while.
Premise 1: You toss salad in oil
Premise 2: You fry in oil
Conclusion: A fried leaf salad. Hence stir fry some round cabbage in olive oil, and then slap some watercress in the last minute. And then the wonderful sizzle of balsamic vinegar on the leaves. And leave to cool with a secondary toss in the wok. It was fresh and tasty which went with the 750g of Parmesan heavy aubergines. And I could be the food ponce for the night!

DAY 49: Fast Boat To Sydney
AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 LOUSY TUNES

I Hate MusicPost a comment • 394 views

Floating around in the Pacific Ocean with nothing but a novelty inflatable mattress for company has to be one of the worst experiences of my life. It is certainly up there with listening to There She Goes by the La’s on autorepeat in the back of a cab during the May Day riots of 1999. Though I was slightly less nauseous.

Still it did offer me a degree of contemplation on how dull life is without a G&T in your hand, that Rod Stewart’s Sailing was an adequate precis of the horror of the sea, and what the hell was that speedboat doing aiming directly at my head. A flailing of arms later and the boat spun, spraying me with more dehydrating salty water and I was pulled aboard.

It turned out that the boat was the Virgin Challenger, and was attempting the fastest US to Australia sea crossing. Not only that but the small boat only had room for a crew of two, the bloke steering and Richard Branson, who was in the cabin below.

Do you ever find yourself in an amazingly fortuitous position and not take advantage? I have to say that I am very good at taking advantage, which is exactly what I did here. Running below decks, I managed to incapacitate Mr Branson, tie him to a rope and chuck him overboard.

“That’s for Tubular Bells, you twat”. I shouted as the boat sped off to Sydney.


Fast Boat To Sydney :Johnny Cash & June Carter

A lot of people were upset last year when Johnny Cash died, saying it robbed us of one of the finest voices of a generation. This may be true (but unlikely, have you heard From Sea To Shining Sea?) but the generation in question was well over 70, at which point we can hardly say we were robbed. Indeed in a career with about fifty albums we cannot really say that he had left anything undone, except maybe a diversion into Gabba House where he may have finally displayed some talent. Equally when his wife June Carter died earlier that year, her case file was full of appalling albums. She comes from a family, The Carter Family, who are notorious as the Krays at committing musical crimes. Between them they have produced more criminal records than any other married couple.

HELLO GUARDS IN SAN QUENTIN AND FULSOM PRISONS. DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOUR JOB IS?

If you ask a five year old how to recognise a bad guy, he will possibly say “The Man In Black”. And so it was with Johnny Cash, and the Bonnie to his Clyde, June. Raiding up and down the country (music scene), drifting from rogues to evangelists. Anything to turn a buck, nevertheless it is unsurprising their favourite audiences were in prisons.

EVER HEARD OF A CAPTIVE AUDIENCE?

Anyway, without going on a career retrospective which would appall even the Nuremberg Trials, let us take Fast Boat To Sydney as a perfect example of their crimes. From a duet album Carryin’ On from the mid sixties, the song recounts how Johnny is going on a fast boat to Sydney. In Australia.

WHERE DID THEY USED TO SEND CONVICTS?

Anyway June is worried he might stray, Johnny is worried he won’t get work and the listener is worried that the torment will ever end. It does, but too late for anyone involved. Carryin’ On? They Carried On forever, which is no cause to bemoan their loss.

Philandering String Theorist Can Explain Everything

Proven By SciencePost a comment • 264 views

Onion news in brief

IFComp 2005

TMFDPost a comment • 325 views

The 11th Annual Interactive Fiction competition. The games were released on October the 1st, and judging lasts until mid november. All the games are free to play and are designed to take up no more than an hour or so of your time. Indeed if you are judging they insist you stop at 2 hours if you still haven’t finished!

There is usually something innovative or impressive in there, and previous winners and runners-up count among my favourite games in this genre.

[edit: added link to the site! d’oh]