Last nights horror TV battle. Five: Aliens. Chest bursting, acid blooded, shiny penile biolologically unlikely* horrors did battle with:

Channel 4: 101 Embarrassing Sexual Accidents. Like 101 Things Removed From The Human Body this was another jokey trawl through real life actual trauma. I only got as far as 10 this time (half as far as I got with “Removed From the Humang Body”) and frankly had pretty much had enohg with number one, the man who tried to give himself a blow-job with a vacumn cleaner and managed to stick his member in the whirring blades of a particularly poorly designed 1960’s job. It was fun enough hearing the story of how he blamed a psychotic hooker (shades of Aileen Wuornos) but the later photos of bruised, bent and fractured penises made me run for the arms of the lovely Xenomorph on Five.

*If its acid blood quickly eats through the metal in the Nostromo, then how exactly does it keep it in its body?