Cruel Summer or Shut Up Sunshine!

It’s probably best not to look forward to things, but I do, and I’m often disappointed. I’d waited quite a few weeks to see Pirates of the Caribbean. I mean the trailer was great; skeletons, Rob Zombie, Legolas, booty (treasure), pretty girls and corsets, so it had to be the best film ever! It wasn’t. Don’t get me wrong it’s a good film, but I felt it lacked something. Johnny Depp without a doubt made for a great pirate, a resplendent vagabond riding in on his sinking ship, and his bizarre Michael Caine/Gary Oldman accent was a marvel. The entire cast gave it their best shot, and the first hour or so was pretty good, almost Carry on Pirate. Then it sort of got bogged down with chases and fights. But, here’s the deal it felt like I was watching a live action version of a modern Disney cartoon. It was too safe, the jokes too sanitised, the plot a little too thin. The kind of film your 7-year-old niece/nephew would watch over and over again, and would know by heart. It needed more oomph.

I didn’t leave the cinema wanting to wave my imaginary sword and swing on ropes, maybe because it was still 80 degrees at half past ten. I wish it were October; I would have a much better time if this film were coming out then. It was 100 degrees today; this is not a good thing.

What I mean is: I wanted to love it, but I didn’t.