Yet again, grey squirrels are being blamed for the falling populations of red squirrels – this time in Scotland. And the BBC are going along with the jingoistic, nationalistic reporting in their article on the subject. Apparently grey squirrels are bringing in diseases which are not deadly to them, but decimate the weak and evolutionary dead-end red squirrel. Let us be brutally honest about Tufty’s species after all. It is a creature of the forest with bring red fur. Not exactly clever camouflage is it? Except for maybe a week in October. The grey squirrel is clearly superior to the red, more aggressive, better designer, tastier. But we have this idea that the rubbish red squirrel is British, and therefore is subject to invasion by these nasty immigrants. Soon the RSPCA will be joining forces with immigration officials checking foreign squirrels papers and probably giving them a blood test. This will probably lead to some sort of squirrel interment camp, a Guantanamo for the bushy tailed greys.

I say call in Secret Squirrel now, and sort out those reds once and for all.