That Subway Smell. The legend has it that the smell of freshly brewed coffee or baking bread can add thousands to your property price, and make the place more attractive to potential buyers. An extension to this surely is The Subway Smell, assaulting our noses up and down the UK. As the Subway franchises clutter up our high streets (franchise of the year 2004 fact fans), so does THAT smell. You know the smell. Doughy, but with hints of herbs; O-Reg-Ano probably.

Problem is the dough smells only half baked, and is clearly being pumped mercilessly out of the shop by wind turbines resembling jet engines. The idea is to suck me in to get one of their stupidly falling apart meatball sandwiches*. However the gusting of overly seasoned, sickly sweet hot air blows me away from the place, leaving me to rate Subway just slightly higher than Benjy’s as a lunchtime option.

All this is of course theoretical as
a) I don’t eat lunch
b) I run a sandwich shop and a bar where I could get a free lunch if I did.

*Balls do not go in a sandwich. They roll out. Indeed as much as the American sandwich is a thing of beauty and a joy forever in principle, you must be able to PUT A SANDWICH IN YOUR MOUTH to eat it. Unless you are Scooby Doo.