First things first. I would like to severely condemn the King’s Head and Railway Tavern in Crouch End on their shameful record on crime prevention. Having been the victim of a cruel handbag thief in Crouch End on a Friday in March I return from holiday to a letter from the bank inquiring as to whether cashback withdrawals of 40 quid in the RT and 48.70 in the KH (within a 10 minute period) were legit or not. NO OF COURSE THEY BLOODY WEREN’T and if the bar staff had bothered to check the signatures they would have spotted this and been able to apprehend the cursed thieves. And this all took place about 5 minutes after the perpetration of said crime so no time to practice my stylish signature. Sodding bar staff.

More on the taverns of Gran Canaria when I have calmed down. Suffice to say that if your fantasy is a bunch of fat northern slappers (no offence intended to northerners) dancing to Leanne Rimes is your fantasy, then you’ll lurve Fantasy Island.….