Now, I’m a big fan of quiz machines in pubs. The quiz element of the machines is a noble art which JPM, in my opinion, have mastered. However, the recent phasing out of all the old machines in favour of the new touch-screen things with loads of different games on them has led to one massive problem: WHERE THE HELL AM I MEANT TO REST MY PINT?

The machine’s slender, futuristic design means that there is not a horizontal surface in sight. The top? Rounded off. Useless. The front? All curvy. Useless. To add insult to injury, JPM have fashioned a small rubber area just below the coin slot, about beermat-sized and just perfect to hold a pint glass. The one problem: it’s only at a bloody thirty degree angle, isn’t it? I’ve seen countless pints lost through drunken mis-reading of the inclination of this little resting-spot. (Well, admittedly, I’ve seen 2 pints lost, but that doesn’t stop me being angry.) What’s that little rubbery bed for? Could it hold a bag of nuts if you got it at the right angle? Could a five pence piece be balanced there? To be perfectly honest, I’m not going to be the fool that risks my nuts or fivepence.

At my local, they built a nice little shelf for the job, then promptly moved the quizzer away from it. Do I get the feeling all this trouble could have been solved if they’d just left the damn thing square rather than trying to live up to the idea of the space age?