Well coo crikey here is my first attempt at a Pop-Eye. I watched CD-UK especially for this, you know. B-b-b-but where is G-g-gates?! I’ve been wanting to use my ever so funny, and in fact only MAN FROM DELMONTE joke about him for ages and he’s been displaced! This of course is only good news but WHOT a disappointment to hear the new single from Oasis. Then again you’d best buy it sooner rather than later before they get sued by Vishnu Press Inc for advertising The Hindu Times instead of the Hindu Gazeteer ha ha.

Blimey another new entry at number 2, with Nsync ft. Nelly. Girlfriend? NOT ANY MORE JUSTIN ha ha, but at least it’s proper pop music rather than the bladdy Doves, in at number three with a bullet, oh IF ONLY. There Goes The Fear is a right load of dire toss and surely it’s against the law for Heavenly Rekkids to be at number 3. How horrible.

So now let’s leave the top ten and rock down to 10 through 20. BLING! It’s Pay As U Go Kartel who are more dodgy SW9 geezahs with ‘Champagne Dance’. I now have images of the UK-G crowd hanging out at the ICA and drinking those tiny bottles of ‘Pop’ champagne which are RUB, but with the ‘you can dance with your tiny bottle of champers much bettah than you can with your poncy FLOOT’. You wouldn’t get New Order in at 15 doing anything like that. Or would you? They certainly don’t do much in 24 Hour Party People which is a big rub fest. They’re still a better boy band than LFO and oh Pulp haven’t done very well with ‘Bad Cover Version’ but lets just say in big lettahs


at number 30 and speke no more of this nonsense until the Freaky Trigger Streets Spesh. Mike Skinner = rowr. I bought this single. Then I left it behind in the pub. I’m an arse.

I’ve never heard our last new entry, ‘Drowning Pool’ but I have a feeling it will rock EVEN MORE THAN NICKELBACK. Is that it then? This has been your Pop: Eye Xpress entry ::: POP-EYE POP- EYE POP-EYE:::