DUEL 2002! Round 1 Match 3
YORE CORRESPONDENT FROM THE FUTURE AKA STARRY SARAH SPEAKS. “A tosspot which came bearing a particularly imbecIlic gimmick of wobbling and twitching his head out of sync to his acoustical guitar, David Gray came to trouble in years which are yet to come to innocent Duel 2002! voters. In 2006, with the advent of the ‘for the sake of little baby Jesus in his little baby ROCKER stop TWITCHING’ Law, David Gray was prosecuted and canned in stinky fish brine and kept as Art by Bubbles the Chimpanzee. Incidentally, Gray’s acoustical guitar was also purchased by Bubbles, and now brings harmony to his bowel movements as a spare ‘comfort station’. His records have been put forward for the good of society to be used in Space Jails to keep prisoners snoring The Sleep Of The Unjust.
However, judicial debate is still open concerning the soundtrack to the morning’s Physical Jerks. Linkin Park, Your Boyband Who Growl, might be a little too frightening for hardened criminals used only to the dulcet tones of wizened prison guards. Combining the diversity of NIN, The Womens Institute Jam Making Club (Stevenage Branch) and The Deftones, Linkin Park need yore vote to get the few more extra royalties garnered from prisoners shakin’ their morning booties. Whilst weeping collective tears of pain from their CRIMINAL EYES. Make it stop! Who’s worst? SUBMIT!”
Yesterday’s Result: LIMP BIZKIT – 79% : Radiohead – 21%
Who knows how far Radiohead might have gone against weaker opposition, but early favourites Limp Bizkit were on form in yesterday’s Duel! and move fingers aloft into the second round. Here’s what you had to say:
“fred durst’s infinite stupidity vs. even the most smug, twiddly bits of “kid b: the richard d. james album”? bizkit is still worse. the real question here is: radiohead fans vs. limp bizkit fans–which are more annoying? now THERE would be a close contest! next duel?”
“Words cannot describe the utter loathing that fills my soul when I imagine Fred Durst’s smugerriffic face. He must be sweating bullets now that the most interesting member of his band ran out on him.”
“Limp Bizkit are not merely the worst band in the world, they are the worst band there ever will be in the world.”
“The thing in Limp Bizkit’s favour is that at least I can remember some of their songs. And Rollin’ is the Undertaker’s music. I can’t imagine Radiohead ever getting one of their maudlin drones being associated with the second best sport in the world (after cricket)…I liked their first album best.”
“I fear the anti-Radiohead faction are fighting a losing battle. Obviously if you express your inner pain and you are a mook in a baseball cap it is hypocritical thuggery. If you do the same thing whilst being a scrawny get with a wonky eye, though, it is great ART.”
“Fred Durst = Ali G x Kurt Cobain – Dido.
Thom Yorke = a steaming pile of poo ”
“i’m voting for the bizkits cause they are simply music for angry teenagers and…hey, wait a minute…can I change my vote?”
“Mookie Blaylock: now there was a *Mook*.”