Day 2: Going Down To Liverpool
AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 LOUSY TUNES

The plan of course was to reach the sea as swiftly as possible. Whilst the bet did not specify that I should not use air travel, I have an aversion to the way the pressurised air on planes makes a gin and tonic taste. It flattens the bubbles and removes some of the sharpness. So a train from Euston it was to hopefully get us to Liverpool in time to catch a late night White Star Liner of some sort or other.

“Why Liverpool Ma’am?” My manservant pestered me. He had been basing his demeanor on Dirk Bogarde in The Servant for so long now that he was almost a caricature. Luckily I had not let him see the end of that film so was in no danger of the tables turning.
“Liverpool. Well since I am traveling I though it might be a good idea to assault the city which has provided so much pain to so many people. Cave in the Cavern Club, sink the Ferry Cross The Mersey. Usual acts of everyday anti-music terrorism.”
“I have the emergency bottle of meths that I always carry.”
“Prepare the Molatov cocktail then.”

This was all taking place ont he evening of Day One of course. Which slowly, due to the inefficiency of all versions of Locomotion (especially Little Eva’s) began to roll into Day Two. And most of Day Two was taken up with being hungover in Lime Street Station, followed by topping up Lee Mavers sleeping draught. In the evening though we removed ourselves to the docks to find passage on a luxury cruise liner. Apparently though the White Star Line no longer put sail from Liverpool Docks, due to some problem with an iceberg (I certainly had problems with Iceberg Slimm so I do not blame them). I had already put Black Star Liner out of business a number of years before, so instead myself and Crispian booked passage on a transport across the Irish Sea.



The Bangles: Going Down To Liverpool

What is crystal clear from this Bangles tune that they do not know what a Liverpool is. Or are all that sure why they are going down there. But dammit, Beatles Band came from there and so in a coat-tail hanging way to garner some sort of rock respectability they are going to go down there. The fact that the song was written by ex Soft Boy and future Wave Kimberley Rew is no excuse for a complete lack of research done.

Nevertheless they are going down to Liverpool, with a UB40 in their hands, and will be surprised to see that as Americans they cannot claim unemployment benefit. Again, it is quite clear that the meaning of UB40 is over their heads, as they sing it as if it were WD40 and their jaws need lubricating. Infact the tragedy of the song is that the world would have been better off if they had done exactly what the song says. If they had indeed gone down to Liverpool and done nothing. Instead they had to go and make Eternal Flame and Manic Monday…

I Hate Music