You know me. I’m the attractive, witty, sparkling lady at the end of the bar. With a giant sized fizzy gin and tonic and a word for everyone in the pub. That word may well be “turn that rubbish off” when someone uses the jukebox, but there is no place I feel more at home than at the bar. I love alcohol. And I hate music. But what is my least favourite kind of music. Why pop music of course. Why?

Because pop is the opposite of alcohol. Pop is what kiddies drink, no booze and no fun. Listening to pop music is like buying a coke at the bar. WRONG.

Which is why I have the terrible duty to bring to your attention some of the worst attrocities ever committed to recording media. Music: yes, but music about alcohol. Surely there is nothing more poisonous that taking one of natures most precious gift, and sullying its very name by singing about it. Over the next two week I will be ordering the most foul round you could image, songs with bouze in the titles. From the Gay Gordons to Gymntonic, let no-one ever again spoil the good drink with their pitiful tunes.