I’m not an active person, but even a gin-swilling queen of the London social scene gets to go down to the seaside every now and then. I have little use for water in my dad to day life unless in its sparkling solid form making merry with the Sapphire and Schweppes. However on occasion when taking in the sea air I have been tempted – Esther Williams like – into the sea for a bathe, paddle and even a swim. The splash of salt water around the lips is pleasantly like the first anticipation of a Margarita – though admittedly the lack of Tequila follow up leads me out of the sea quite sharpish. Not as sharpish as doing my dainty doggy paddle and cutting my foot on some unpleasant underwater crag though.

I am naturally therefore turned against coral, even in its natural habitat. How surprised was I when I was told that this rocky underwater substance was actually alive. Surprised, but vaguely pleased as whatever lives may die – which gave my aching toes some solace. It is this appearance of being devoid of life however I must assume the Liverpool band The Coral were thinking of when they named themselves such. For its been quite some time since such a lumpen, lifeless band have popped their head up.

The Coral are the heirs of bands such as Wimple Winch – and hence hopefully inheritors of their singular lack of success. Psychedelic Rock of the late sixties may have been the missing link between mod and prog, but that does not make it in anyway good. Intricate twisty guitar lines sung over by a builder (not as vocally gifted as Bob). Their first album cover looks like the inside of a recycling bin (paper) and the analogy stretches nicely to its contents. Simon Diamond is a Jeremy Bender for the noughties. Skeleton Key is a Spencer Davis Group b-side without the historical hindsight. And as for Calendars And Clocks – the final interminable song – is Pink Floyd by way of Mansun, which we all agree is no way for a band who shouldn’t be going anywhere at all to go.

I blame all those Pebbles and Rubble compilations. Do the dead sea creatures in The Coral know the reason they can pick these comps up for two quid because none of the bands featured were ever successful. There is nothing special about the sound you amp makes when you kick it. Get over it.