Look out parents. All over the world there are grubby, unkempt men hiding in bushes near playing fields, schools and outside sweet shops. No, it is not Gary Glitter or any one of his paedo gang – this is something just as serious however. It is the Boards Of Canada and they are lying in wait to tape recorder your childrens conversations. Not even for some cheap sexual thrill though, no they want to chop it up, misrepresent and loop it over repetative beats and the sounds of whales farting. And then to add considerable insult to mental injury they will call the track something like Fractals For Breakfast.

These sick evil people believe that their so called music has a right to children. They are undermining and destroying the culture where you live. Rise up in arms and get them banned. Use you constitutional rights to destroy them. Consider yourselves warned.