Y Kant Tori Read? Now there is a question – posed by her first and often hidden away “metal” album which remained unanswered for some time. The obvious solution is that she is stupid, and I’ll still stick to this up to a point. It becomes clearer though when you listen to Cornflake Girl, in which she reminisces about her childhood as some sort of half-girl half-cereal hybrid. Unusual as this would be in many schools Tori was lucky in as much as her school was obviously used to having half human half foodstuff kids knocking around the hall as she used to hang with the Raisin Girls. The Raisin Girls were obviously the offspirng of those thoroughly annoying Californian Raisins who sang terrible cover versions of terrible soul songs in the mid-eighties in some sort of racist commentary on how much Otis Redding looked like raisin. Obviously after he had been dead for a couple of years….

Back to the adventures of the girl bitten my a radioactive cornflake though. Rather than using her powers of being part of a nutritious breakfast and being able to stay crispy in cold milk for good, she instead decided to learn to play piano. This would have been fine, cornflakes aren’t very good at playing piano, until one day she came across a Kate Bush album. Rather than doing the correct thing – breaking it into tiny pieces – she took the copy of Lionheart down to the nearest plastic surgeon for and all over job. He managed to erase nearly all signs of cornflake, the rest she tucked under her big red hair. Using this template she changed herself from a breakfast foodstuff to something you would have with a mid afternoon cup of coffee. Kooky.