Or – for our American cousins – The Charlatans UK, because for some unknown reason there is another band out there who thought that having a name which suggested they were only superficially any good at their profession and deep down they were cheating us was a good idea. Its like calling your band “We Are Shite” – which I daresay would be seen as ironic and I better copyright now. (Shortened to W.A.S. – and hence could explain the name of Was Not Was. Ie: We Are Shite Not We Aren’t Shite).

The Charlatans were proponents of a musical style known inexplicably as baggy. This term came from the loose-limbed way of dancing that needed to be applied to shimmy on down to theirs, or the Happy Mondays or The Stone Roses music. Late scene stealing copyists they had one hit with a Hammond on – which I could forgive if it were truly “The Only One I Know” of their songs. Then, post the release of their superfluous second album “10.5th” it all went pear shaped and their keyboard player was sent to prison for taking part in an armed robbery.

You obviously don’t make much being the keyboard player in a third rate baggy group.

When he got out they recorded an even more lacklustre album which had the unfortunately untrue “Can’t Get Out Of Bed” on it, and the more words than the actual song had in it titled “I’d Never Want An Easy Life If He And Me Were Ever To Get There”. At which point the keyboard player Rob decided that prison had not been good enough and killed himself by driving into a tree. The baggy scene had died some years before, so now the Charlies went the way of many extant bands in 1996 – they Oasified. And fannied around getting shuffly loops put on their records by The Chemical Brothers. This period of their career is the least interesting. Though they did manage to get another keyboard player in who was indistinguishable from their previously unique ivory tinkla.

Of late they have decided to go prog rock (or Radioheady) and write songs called “Forever” which true to their name go on forever. If there is one thing they have in their favour, they were always literal minded. But being second rate and jumping on the band wagon of ever new musical style does not make you any good. Instead the nameless facelss backing band, and Tim Burgess (a man with child-bearing lips) should come clean and tell us how lousy they are. How they have pulled the wool over our eyes. How they are Charlatans.

Oh. They have. Must be the record buying publics fault then.