In the multitude of discussion brought about by my insane suggestion that Elton John?s lyrics to Your Song are a blight upon humanity, it was brought to my attention that ?at least they rhyme?. After spiking said persons drink with some Tom Waits piss I had lying around it came to me that much evil has been done in the name of rhyming. Moreover there are some words that rhyme but perhaps never should be put together. I?m thinking specifically of the words biology and ideology.

Elton John only wrote the second worse song to come out of the cold war. Nikita becomes a little bit more palatable when you realise it is based on a youth time crush that Dwighty had on Nikita Kruschev ? not on the fox fur hatted communist lovely who operated the border controls into Soviet Siberia. It was sad that he would never know, anything about John?s home (much like his short lived wife I daresay). Even if Premiere Kruschev had been alive to flick through a copy of Hello! it is unlikely he would have believed his eyes at the foolish house contained within. In the end though it was just another love song about a opulent pop star fancying an international statesman (second only to the Dead Kennedy?s ?Indira Gandhi Makes Me Randy?). No, it took a real master of the art to hit the political commentary button.

You can imagine Sting (for ?tis him) during one of his four hour marathon tantric shags with the missus suddenly sitting bolt upright with revelation. Possibly waking Trudy in the process. ?We share the same biology, regardless of ideology? ? peachy huh? No Sting, it is nonsense and if you spent a proper amount of time shagging, rather than going for some sort of holding cum record you would see it. And did he really wonder if the Russians loved their children too? Did he expect them to send them to some sort of Gulag in Uzbekestan, where they get constantly tortured until the ideal of the Supreme Soviet is instilled in them. Looking at the fall of communism, one cannot help thinking that perhaps the Russians were a wee bit soft on their kids. What price Pepsi eh ? Mr Sumner?

Bottom line is that any two words sharing the same suffix will rhyme. And yet the world has not been over-ruin with couplets such as ?Sting features in this anthology, We demand a full apology?. Though perhaps we should. ?Mr Krushchev said he will bury you?. Why didn’t he then? Sting could have done with being ten feet under. In the end the only Nikita I like is Luc Besson?s.