Poptimism presents… Club Action POPULAR SPECIAL

I won’t be coming to this for a variety of reasons:

1. Since my stroke this is not really the sort of thing I should be doing any more. Stoke Newington is a very long way away from where we live and if it’s a toss-up between stumbling around N16 at 1:30 on a cold, dark December Saturday morning trying to find a bus (or buses) and staying at home and sleeping peacefully in a nice, warm and comfortable bed then it’s a no-brainer.

2. As I am now on Warfarin treatment (i.e. I am now officially an Old Man) I am forbidden alcohol by the world-renowned medical specialists who are taking care of my health. Not that I was exactly having much alcohol before my stroke but even an innocent glass of wine with dinner has proved to have unfortunate ramifications.

3. More importantly, though, I feel that the time for all of this has sort of passed. I remember (clay pipe, Panama hat, out on the porch, Kids Today etc.) in the mid-noughties glory days of Club Poptimism well over 200 people turning up to nights as a matter of routine, and there being a great drive and purpose. The last couple of times we went, though, it seemed to have shrunk back down to its hardcore initial following; OK if that makes people happy, but it limits what you can do.

4. Moreover, there are some people who go to these things with whom it’s always a pleasure to meet (although it’s impossible to chat) and, frankly, other less pleasant people with whom I’d feel very uncomfortable being in the same room. This would be stressful and I’m under strict medical orders to avoid stress wherever possible.

5. Finally, if the last few years have taught me anything, it’s that Aqua probably represent everything I hate about pop (they’re coming up on TPL so I’ll spare the full rant until then) so fundamentally I’m out of sympathy with the central ethos. Woe betide me, then.

Good heavens, I must have been indulging in serious Blossom Hill abuse back then! It felt like 200, anyway, and for me that was part of the attraction; getting in people from outside the ILM/FT nexus, etc., which seemed to recede with the passing of time. My book has to date sold 124 copies, though, so around 120 does seem to be the cut-off point.

Never had any book-signing evenings. My publisher didn’t set any up and too many other things happened at the time for me to give the matter my full attention. Book’s dead as a dodo and will probably go for £90 on eBay circa 2032.

#12: OK, you’re wanting the argument, so let’s jump in.

To interpret my remarks as “off-handed insults” suggests a substantial degree of insecurity on your behalf and also that you don’t have very good reading skills. In other words, you jump on individual words or phrases, rip them out of their context and choose to view them as “insults.” Or perhaps you consider anything less than fulsome, unquestioning praise for what you do an “insult;” I don’t know, that’s your business.

Otherwise you have to face up to the uncomfortable reality that not everybody thinks that Club Poptimism, or Club Action, or whatever you choose to call it, is God’s greatest gift to mankind, but rather what was once a very good and enjoyable club night – as I made perfectly clear – which has “declined” (my OPINION) into something that doesn’t particularly interest me, that is situated too far for me to travel to, and moreover might possibly kill me if I did try to go there. You can see that as an “insult” if your world is that warped.

Or perhaps it’s the immediacy with which you choose to jump on anyone who shows the slightest independence of thought, who don’t think Aqua are the greatest pop act ever, or who wasn’t in the same year as you at Oxford. Who knows, except you?

For your information, Lena and I felt pretty insulted by the wooden spoon that a certain regular who won’t be named here brandished openly the last time we did a DJ set at Club Poptimism, enough to dissuade us from ever asking again. There are people who go there whom I don’t like and who probably don’t like me. I’m not going to lose any sleep over it but nor am I going to waste an evening travelling to be in the same room as them; I have better things to do at my time of life.

So, to sum up, I found your remarks unreasonable, unengaging, aggressive and selective. I don’t think your comments have come across as a very good advertisement for your club night, and I strenously deny any intention of “insults”, off-handed or otherwise.

If I was anybody else, I’d say if you want to run a club for your mates and your mates only, then fair enough, but I don’t think it would be right for me to say that.

And if FT is only going to permit expression of common generalities relating to the majority opinion (I stress the singular “opinion” here) of its writers and readers, then there is no room for freedom of speech. You need to know that I have taken this very personally indeed, and perhaps I need to be somewhere where this sort of thing won’t happen.