What secrets could lie within?You may or may not be aware that Peter Jackson’s Hobbits 1 is soon to grace our screens in the UK.

Here at Freaky Trigger we often find it difficult to keep track of all the recurring Character Actors in these epic films with large casts, especially under layers of prosthetics and make up.

Luckily for us then, that last night a group of dedicated FT correspondents stumbled across a handy cast list, written in P Jackson’s Actual Handwriting (see picture). So to save you multiple trips to IMDB to figure out who is playing 3rd Warg On The Left, here is that list in full:

James Nesbitt
Billy Connolly
Ken Stott
Brian Blessed
Robbie Coltrane
Jim from Neighbours
Paul Lassiter from Lassiters
The Gay Footman from Downton Abbey
2 Tall New Zealandish Dudes
Helen Mirren
Guy of Gorgeous
Guy of Elbow
Arse More Like
Sara Lund’s Jumper
Warwick Davies
Mr T
Roger Daltrey (from CSI)
Holly Valance
Mos Def
Yer Pal Ma$e
Hurley out of Lost & Hurley out of Belle & Sebastian
Noel Edmonds
Dave Lee Travis
Bananarama (30th Anniversary Edition)
Stevie Jackson & Steve Hewitt
Wolf out of Gladiators
The Announcer from Robot Wars
My Two Dads
Ron Swanson
Sebastien Tellier
Lance Armstrong (edited out)
Cheech or Chong (but not both)
Frank Kogan
Dory out of Finding Nemo
Dorian from Birds of a Feather
Edgar from Inazuma 11
Jake Lloyd
Bjorn and Benny
Steel and Peel
Lee and Herring
King and Kong (and Song)
Isambard Kingdom Brunel

The Kooples
Boris Johnson
Norris McWhirter
Sandi Toksvig
Sandi Shaw
Sandi Thom
Sandi Denny
Chorlton (minus Wheelies)
Rory Gilmore
Gary Gilmore
Colin Baker’s trousers
Horse e_books
Alex Chilton from Big Star
Endou the Ampharos 23!
Joe Dolce
Joanna Lumley
Jasper Carrot
Ra Ra Rasputin
Pete Wentz
Barry Wentz
Barry Sheen
Barry McGuigan
Barry Sarll
Barry Crier
Juan Sheet
Professor Utonium
The Grabby Aliens from Toy Story
Theo Paphitus (Thetus)
Lesley Knope
Air Bud
Emperor Penguin #2
The Christmas Icicle
Penny Red
Monsieur Le Prosecutor from Spiral

All computer-generated (but voiced by Guillaume, Hereditary Grand Duke of Luxembourg)

The bassist from Big Country
Kris Novoselic
Mark King
Geddy Lee
Bonnie Langford
Mr Wimpy

Cate Blanchett – Elf #1
Morrissey – the Necromancer
Cheryl Baker – Beorn’s Mum
Moira Stewart – Smaug’s Mum
Bill Oddie – Gandalf’s Mum
The Spiders from Mars – Spiders
Benedict Cumberbatch and Stephen Fry – Talons of Weng Chiang (1 each)
Minnie Mouse – herself
Laika (reserve)