21
May 10

Teen News

FT41 comments • 1,000 views

The Youth Of Today are a mysterious bunch, and often their movements and motivations are perplexing to the previous generation. Luckily help is at hand! Our friends at Digital Spy are doing a sterling job of keeping track of teenage* movements and bringing important events to our attention. Here is a quick round-up – think of it as an exclusive glimpse into the everyday lives of young celebrities:

Jonas Brothers “get trapped in a lift”
Justin Bieber “walks into door”
Miley Cyrus “stuck on Victoria line due to passenger action”
Ashlee Simpson “steps on rake”
Paris Hilton “oversleeps”.
Lindsay Lohan “[redacted]”
Pixie Lott “turns round too quickly when holding plank and hits Daisy Dares You”
Chipmunk “lost pound coin through gap in floorboard”
Tinchy Stryder “accidentally wees on own shoes”
Ellie Goulding “missed connection at Clapham Junction, must wait 17 mins for next train”
Demi Lovato “bangs head on open cupboard door”
Soulja Boy “moves sideways and falls into open manhole cover”
R-Patz “held up by ticket barrier telling him to SEEK ASSISTANCE”
Tinie Tempah “can’t find a pair of matching socks” (possibly due to leaving said socks at aunt’s house)
Alexandra Burke “loses internet connection while buying festival tickets”
Ortise from JLS “cannot find old 99 Problems thread on FT”
JC Chasez “left Oystercard in other jacket”
Usher “runs into outstretched frying pan while chasing mouse”
Rihanna told “you’re not going out dressed like that” by mother
Ke$ha “draws excellent giraffe”

*Includes celebrities clearly old enough to know better.

Comments

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  1. 31
    Dave on 22 May 2010 #

    Ms. Hilton, expected at an early morning community service event following a recent string of probation violations, was summarily sentenced to death by stoning for her tardiness. She is expected to appeal.

  2. 32
    Dave on 22 May 2010 #

    According to witnesses, the Barbadian songstress mounted a pointed defense of her attire, arguing to a bemused Mrs. Fenty that “Lady Gaga is doing it.” When asked whether or not she would also follow Ms. Gaga off of a cliff, Fenty’s daughter reportedly had no response.

  3. 33
    Kat but logged out innit on 22 May 2010 #

    The social networking site Facebook was called upon last night to verify claims that Heidi Range had uploaded an old photo of herself looking ‘a bit pissed’. This follows a recent status update from the Sugababes star in which she claimed “soo ruined, does ne1 have horseshoes 2 send me on FVille”.

    A statement released in the early hours of this morning by Range’s team denied any such photo existed. “Heidi can’t even remember her Facebook password after she changed it a while back. It’s impossible that she could have uploaded any photos.” However a friend of ex-Sugababe Keisha Buchanan confirmed that the snap was genuine: “It was definitely that time they were in the Wetherspoons in Finchley Road about six years ago. They were both mullered on Red Bull cocktails.”

    The photo in question was said to be poorly lit and had a bit of thumb showing at the edge.

  4. 34
    Tom on 22 May 2010 #

    In a hastily convened press conference this afternoon McElderry clarified the situation. “I did not kick the snack machine.” he said, “I was angry because the Snickers – which I had paid for – failed to vend, but that’s life. I’m over it now. Somebody else will get two Snickers when they only paid for one, but honestly, it doesn’t bother me at all. It’s not fair, but that’s how it is. You have to move on. I could probably get a Snickers cheaper in a multipack anyway. That’s what I’ll do next time.”

    A reporter asked if what he felt about the snack machine could be termed “rage”. McElderry seemed confused by the question, then after a brief consultation with his publicist ended the conference.

  5. 35
    Dave on 23 May 2010 #

    “I thought I had clearly ordered two pork tacos,” said a flustered Ms. Stewart. The notoriously gloomy Twilight star was clearly unprepared for the sizable stack of tortilla treats that met her five minutes later. “I guess they heard four tacos. Plus I’m pretty sure these are chicken.” When reached for comment, the owner of the lunch truck was defensive. “She’s always mumbling all the time, and she never even says thank you,” he said. “She’s lucky I gave her anything.”

  6. 36
    Kat but logged out innit on 23 May 2010 #

    Emma Watson found herself in a ‘sticky situation’ earlier today when a stray piece of chewing gum was discovered on her jeans. “It’s funny really,” pondered the 20-year-old, who rose to fame through the Harry Potter franchise. “Hermione [the feisty teen witch played by Watson in the films] could have cast a spell to remove the gum, but this is real life so I’m going to have to scrape it off myself.” Plucky Watson eventually made use of a Sainsbury’s till receipt she had ‘magically’ found in the middle pocket of her bag.

  7. 37
    koganbot on 25 May 2010 #

    Ms. Diamandis told reporters that the customs agent said she’d misspelled her first name on the declaration by leaving out the “d” and that she’d responded that there is no “d” in Marina. “He said that the name on the passport I’d shown him was ‘Miranda’ like his cousin’s, and I said, ‘No it isn’t,’ and I had to spend another four minutes searching through my bag to find where I’d put it when I thought I was done with it, and when he saw it again he asked, ‘Why did you originally say your name was Miranda?’ and I said that I’d never told him my name was Miranda, and he said again that I had, that I’d agreed that I had the same name as his cousin, and I said that I had agreed to no such thing, all I’d said was ‘That’s nice’ when he said that I had the same name as her and that I looked like her too except I was even prettier, but he said that I’d gone along with him in this and I said that I had no idea what his cousin’s actual name was, whether it was Marina or Miranda or what, and he wanted to know if I knew it was against the law to make false statements to a customs agent, and I said I hadn’t made a false statement.” According to Ms. Diamandis, the agent then asked her if her parents had named her Marina after a wharf or a pier, and she’d told him the name was Greek; he then asked why she was using an English passport if she was Greek, and she told him that that she wasn’t Greek, that Britain was where she was born and where she lives. “I was afraid to tell him that I was Welsh not English because I thought he’d accuse me of lying again or tell me that Wales wasn’t part of the UK and that my passport wasn’t legal.” She said that he recommended she visit the Santa Monica pier and that she’d replied that she would love to and that she loved the Los Angeles area. “This is true,” she told the press, “But I have to say, guys who work at the Airport are really weird.”

    The customs agent could not be located for comment.

  8. 38
    Kat but logged out innit on 28 May 2010 #

    Justin Bieber walks into ANOTHER door

  9. 39
    Erithian on 10 Mar 2011 #

    Justin Bieber walks into an unlikely controversy:
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/02/16/justin-bieber-takes-on-evil-us-health-care_n_823942.html

  10. 40
    koganbot on 10 Aug 2012 #

    KARA’s Jiyoung slapped in face by broom

    Allkpop.com is a treasure trove of these.

  11. 41
    Ed on 10 Aug 2012 #

    Thank you, koganbot, for drawing my attention to Kat’s fantastic post. You had me at “the Jonas Brothers get trapped in a lift”, and by Ke$ha’s giraffe I was in tears.

    Surely there’s a book crying out to be written there. It could be a 21stcentury update of this: http://n.pr/RwLgEo

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