Friends of the busker men The View are in a spot of pickly bother, readers! They’ve lost their support band, The Horrors. I expect that the so-called Horrors realised what TRUE HORROR was after listening to the View soundcheck. Anyway, they’ve run away as fast as their skinny goth pins will carry them and the View are now asking for a new support band for tonight.

Of course I’d ordinarily hope that nobody applies, but anyone paying to see The View deserves the double dose of pain this scheme will no doubt deliver.

The View state that they are not looking for any particular type of band – just one who is “good”. Which of course begs the question: how the fuck would The View know?. This, as I may have commented before, are the band who have an inferiority complex when it comes to buskers, so it’s no surprise that, after receiving 3 demo tapes within 5 minutes of starting their appeal, they have found themselves with a difficult choice. “The standard so far is really high!” says a gobsmacked Viewite, “We had no idea there were so many good bands around.” Yes, this is because the View are the worst band in the universe and a group of four gibbons with coconut shells would surprise and stun them with their musical quality. It’s like asking a blade of grass to judge a tallest tree content.