Plenty of words have been written about the seminal Sex Pistols’ seminal gig at the seminal Manchester Free Trade Hall in 1976. There has even been a whole book about it! Everyone knows that the gig was really very important indeed and that everyone who attended became a very extremely important person. HOWEVER does everyone know exactly who was there? Does everyone have access to a crumpled piece of paper which – archaeological evidence PROVES – contains the ACTUAL LIST of attendees at that gig? Freaky Trigger does. And here it is:

  1. Morrissey
  2. Mick Hucknall
  3. Howard Devoto
  4. Pete Shelley
  5. Ian Curtis
  6. Barney
  7. Hooky*
  8. Linder
  9. Tony Wilson
  10. Les Dennis
  11. Alan Sugar**
  12. Ken Barlow
  13. The Great Soprendo
  14. Alan Dale
  15. Bruno Brookes
  16. Simon Mayo
  17. T. Dan Smith
  18. Jon Pertwee
  19. John Noakes
  20. Sam Tyler
  21. PC Phyllis Console
  22. Richey Manic
  23. Erasure***
  24. Roger Waters
  25. Mike Gatting
  26. Dirk Benedict
  27. Thora Hird
  28. Mark “E” Smith
  29. Lord Lucan
  30. Norman St John Stevas
  31. Haile Selassie
  32. “Steely” Dan
  33. Les Dawson
  34. John The Postman
  35. Pat The Postman
  36. Vic Godard The Postman
  37. Fred Dibnah
  38. Shakin Stevens
  39. Red Rum****
  40. Frederick Engels
  41. Margot Leadbetter
  42. Yul Brynner
  43. Edward Heath
  44. Sportacus
  45. Knitler
  46. Grant Shapps

*Stephen and Gillian were NOT at the legendary gig. They were instead at home composing the song which was to become “TASTY FISH”.

**Alan McGee was NOT there. Records show that on the astounding historical night he was at another gig, by GENTLE GIANT.

***Erasure at this time was a ONE MAN BAND of Andy Bell playing on a CODPIECE-CUM-XYLOPHONE. The gig inspired Andy to make his dreams bigger. As it inspired all those present.

****Many witnesses reported seeing a DOG at the remarkable gig. As the list proves, the smoky atmosphere played tricks on many eyes: present in fact was a HORSE, who apparently was “smaller than he looked on the telly”. This solves one of the long term puzzles about the gig that has troubled rock historians: why did the dog not eat Linder’s dress, which was made of meat?

Reprinted with thanks from the June 2012 issue of Mojo Magazine. All rights reserved.

Coming next: everyone who heard the Velvet Underground in 1967 and then formed a band.