As Crufts 2007 reaches its climax, the national and local press have been giving plenty of column space to doggy-related stories this week. It seems that the canine world can be pretty ruff sometimes. Oho!

DOG CLAMPING: Angry Camden residents claim that the council’s new measures to enforce owners to walk their dogs on a leash are akin to the worst excesses of terrorism. First they ban the Kenwood concerts, now this. The Lib Dems are like the Taliban, they want to stop anyone having innocent fun.’ Walking more than four dogs at a time is also a no-no. Quadruple N4z15m!!

A puggle, in happier times. PUGGLE PERSECUTION: The increasingly popular world of cross-breed dogs* is coming under fire from non other than Kennel Club members themselves, who have launched an attack on puggles (see picture). ‘I’m not even a puggle breeder,‘ says Shelley Hargreaves in The Independent. ‘But I was told I was an evil person; a wholly irresponsible person; that I was the worst thing to happen to the dog community in years.’ Shelley’s crime? To run an online portal for prospective puggle owners to get information about said mutant mongrels.

WITCH DOG-TOR: An enterprising chap has opened up a dog meat cafe in Nigeria (confusingly called ‘South Africa’), claiming the delicacy can improve one’s sexual prowess and combat malaria. The BBC found at least one local who wasn’t convinced, however. “The very idea of eating dog meat is absolutely disgusting,” says Mary Iroanya, an office worker in the capital. People who eat dog meat only use those excuses to convince themselves that what they are doing is okay.” Don’t be so squeamish Mary! Here, have a juicy puggle-burger – the Kennel Club are recommending them I hear!

Only kidding, Mary. Everyone knows that boxweilers are the tastiest. Stay tuned for more canine dispatches this week!

*e.g. A labradoodle is a cross between a labrador and a poodle, not to be confused with a children’s drawing toy that magically wipes the screen when you shake it.