minnie Irrational. Contradictory. Mad. The top 50 is an irrational list. But what do you expect – it was voted for by men!

We at Freaky Trigger towers were shocked when we saw the Observer Woman Magazine’s Top 50 Men Who Really Understand Women article – it seemed somewhat familiar! Surely, we thought, this couldn’t have been stolen from an up and coming Freaky Trigger article?? We hereby bring the publication of of Freaky Trigger’s Top 50 Women Who Really Understand Men forward for your delectation. In it, you will find women who understand men are drunks, women who understand their function as breast carriers, women who have carved out new ground within the fiercely competitive mens footwear market, and women who know that the true function of men is to be ground under heel like dogs. Your panel consists of a bunch of flabbergasted male drunks, and one exhausted female drunk who took dictation.


50 Minnie Mouse
49 Lembit Cheeky Girl
48 Andie McDowell
47 Trinny & Susannah
46 Rebekah Wade
45 Sinead O’Connor
44 Agatha Christie
43 Sophie Kinsella
42 Essie Carmichael
41 Karen Brady

40 Minnie the Minx
39 Anne Widdecombe
38 Virgin Mary
37 Carol Vorderman
36 Kathy Bates
35 Andrea Dworkin
34 Posh Spice
33 Doctor Susan Marten who invented the Doctor Marten boot – wikipedia as unreliable as ever there I note.
32 Emma Freud
31 Jordan

30 Germaine Greer
29 Cynthia Pain
28 Jackie Collins
27 Hilary Clinton
26 Nurse Gladys Emmanuel
25 Kate Moss
24 Marge Simpson
23 Pamela Anderson
22 Cherie Blair
21 Ellen deGeneres

20 Anna Nicole Smith
19 Billie
18 Gaby Logan
17 Verity Lambert
16 Michelle Shocked
15 Kylie
14 Thora Hird
13 Valerie Solanis
12 Lara Croft
11 Jo Whiley….


10 Eve Pollard
9 Sandi Toksvig
8 Marie Stopes
7 Delia Smith
6 Helen Fielding
5 Amy Winehouse
4 Judi Dench
3 Hattie Jacques
2 Nancy Friday
1 Maggie Thatcher

A Freaky Trigger panel is available for further list making duties, though I wouldn’t recommend it…