My further extensive research on celebrity Cockney Rhyming Slang reveals that Judith is not alone: Clement Freud is a slightly more straightforward curse when your piles are playing up.

Some more genuine rhyming slang involving television presenters:

Lionel Blairs = flared trousers
Melvyn Bragg = cigarette
Claire Rayner = running shoes
Magnus ‘SCIENCE!’ Pike = lesbian
Johnny Vaughn = pr0n (of course)
Cilla Black = running late (think about it)

A cleverer usage of the double-layered slang is the use of ‘Listerine’ to refer to a person who doesn’t like Americans: Listerine = anti-septic = septic tank = Yank. DO YOU SEE? Also I didn’t know that the verb “to grass” someone up stems from grasshoppper = copper. Shine a light!

I can Adam ‘n’ Eve that a ten pound note could be referred to as an Ayrton Senna, or even a Paul McKenna, but a Louise Wener? Jackson Pollocks.

Lastly the most Chicken Oriental one I’ve come across is Rolf Harris = Aris = Aristotle = Bottle = Bottle & Glass = Arse: “Me Rolf’s killing me, hope me Judiths ‘ain’t come back…”

Still Donald Trumped? Try the Cockney Alphabet to get you Custard Tarted. P for Ming Fleas!