The discerning televisual fan will be aware of the vacuum currently residing in the schedules between the 7.30pm end of Hollyoaks First Look and the 9pm commencement of Ghost Whisperer. There are only so many times one can flick between Puff Daddy jiggling next to the Lead Pussycat on TMF and the startlingly abhorrent animated pig on Hits!TV.

But there’s no need to wear out the remote! For a gleaming nugget of programming genius lies buried beneath the disappointing Dog Borstal on BBC Three. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: Grime Scene Investigation.

This superior alternative to Kim and Aggie sees our intrepid (and charming) host Rufus Hound (!) pull up his enormous GSI lorry outside the filthy hovel belonging to Bristol metallers Hooligan Swamp. The ‘Swamp are everything a metal band should be – piercings, pet tarantulas, questionable personal hygiene. Their flat does not disappoint. Chief scientist Anthony and his menagerie of cleaning ladies (the “Ant-oinettes”) barge upstairs armed with swabs, petri dishes and a high-tech microscope. “This has come all the way from Japan, and it’s the first time it’s ever been used in a TRUCK!” bellows Rufus.

After swabbing the tarantula with appropriately menacing incidental music, Rufus appears determined to find “the GRIMINAL” – the filthiest member of the band. The drummer has an “unprecedented” 20,000 different types of bacteria on his drumsticks, but guitarist Jim wins the overall honour of Death Metaller. “Filthy room, filthy feet, wipes his arse on BREAD! This is one Jim it’s not healthy to visit!” warns Rufus. “I don’t like to use the word ‘mental’, but this is MENTAL!” The band is more concerned about the fact that faecal matter has been found on the PS2 controller. “It’s the work of the midnight poo bandit!” claims bassist Chud.

We leave Hooligan Swamp in a celebratory mood, a mixture of pride and self-disgust. Rufus is more incredulous. “What possessed them?” he asks, before his eyes glow a synthetically demonic red. “Or WHO? Mwahahahaha.”