Tatquest 2004

I for one am delighted that we’re now living in the era of post-cool and in this spirit I continue my warts-and-all ‘download diary’ from yesterday.

THE GRID – “Swamp Thing”: some hole in history has swallowed the Grid and few now mourn their passing – a glance down a P2P sharelist turned up this forgotten tune and my life principle of “might as well, then” did the rest. ‘PAST-IT PRODUCER APPLIES WESTERN CHEESE, ENJOYS FINAL HITS’ the headlines might have ran – or more simply ‘CREDNEX?’. Seems oddly ‘relevant’ post-Bubba Sparxxx but it does go on a bit. More investigation perhaps required.

CHRISTINA MILIAN – “I Can Be That Woman”: many are the pop songs that have filched from filter-disco since Madonna started doing it. In fairness most of them are by her too. But this wonderful track is the Real Thing – three minutes steeped in Daft Punk robolove, with the pathos of “Digital Love” swapped for an easy, infectious joy. When a man is tired of vocoders, etc etc.

DR. ALBAN feat SOMEBODY OR OTHER – “Papaya Coconut”: OK, he doesn’t always deliver. The title should have given me warning that the ‘steel drum’ preset on Alban’s trusty keyboard would be given all too bracing a workout. Ugly stuff.

REDNEX – “Spirit Of The Hawk”: Yes, that Rednex. On the tribesploitation scale this is somewhere between “Kings Of The Wild Frontier” and whoever did “Dream Of American Natives”. Beneath Rednex’ pallid Norwegian complexions there is a red skin, suffering through centuries of taming. This suffering is expressed through the medium of top-drawer Europop, including chanting and a rousing monologue – “Hear me my chief, I am tired…I will fight – NO MORE”. Preposterous, possibly very wrong, but addictive.

SAMANTHA FOX – “(Hurt Me! Hurt Me!) But The Pants Stay On”: legendary song title (as featured in Chuck Eddy’s Accidental History) disappoints on hearing. Sam Fox sounds uncannily like Posh Spice, particularly in her coquettish spoken word bit which mirrors Posh’s mortifying “phone sex with David” intro to “This Groove”. “It’s not as easy as it seems / to get into my pants without getting into me” sings Sam. Where “Hurt me! Hurt me!” comes in I have no idea. Full Force provide the beats, a delight for fans of the ultra-dry and skittish production you find on Paula Abdul records. The highlight is the dialogue between two ‘dudes’ checking out famous females. “You can keep Chaka Khan, I got SAMANTHA FOX!” (One of them then ends up with Marie Osmond!!)

BELLE AND THE DEVOTIONS – “Love Games”: Motown impersonator ’84 Eurovision entry. It’s no Bardo, but if S Club 8’s scouts are after a hit song, they need look no further.

Next Episode: Busted do Thunderbirds, chipmunks to Rush Hour, and too much Alcazar…