thorts whilst watching top of the pops

1. Clea – Download it – DID THAT REALLY JUST HAPPEN? Another Hollyoaks-Gurls band but with a ludicrous cyber-sex premise. Also one of them hasn’t developed the art of looking into the camera and I am sure she is THE BORG (hurrah)!

1b. An all female Kraftwerk style band needs to be formed which dresses like the Borg all the time. And DANCES like the Borg. Bring back robot dancing!

2. I think I’m glad Emma Bunton didn’t give up after the Spice Girls after all, but perhaps that’s only cos I like nerdy blokes in suits and glasses dancing like spacks. I bet Geri is weeping that yet another gimmick has been grabbed before she could do it. I’m all for a full-on sixties revival, anything that stops mullets spreading *out* of Hoxton.

3. And speaking of weeping into your Flying V’s – an open message to Metallica – We have The Darkness now!!

4. ULTRAVOX are in the charts? Faakkk off!

5. And you, Elton.

6. S****y from work knows Sean Paul’s dad! Says he’s better looking than his son.

7. JXL is BACK. Hear it bellowing from red-face men with kipper ties in over-priced Covent Garden bars and Hamilton Hall… very evocative of HATERS.

8. Oh the sodding Black Eyed Peas AGANE? Who is still buying this?? Is this FOUR WEEKS at number one now or are we up to five?? Colour me flabbergasted. Indeed WHERE is the bloody love?! I am going to stake out the chart section in HMV and do a pre-focus group focus group. God the singing bint is ANNOYING. Yep, it’s five weeks, if it’s number one next week it beats Cher. Is that legal?

9. It’s over, thank god.

10. The kinda spazzy blonde girl (Fern something?) on Top of the Pop’s Saturday is like a low-rent Toss DailyTess Daley (or indeed even Kay these day). I know, I didn’t think it was possible either. EW! I mean I’m not going all Dickon Orlando and eugenics here but can’t we have a freeze on blondes on telly? At least it means we’d get rid of snotty Sharon on Eastenders.