ilxor.com programming master Graham P takes the Pop-Eye baton for this weeks trek to the summit of Mt.Pop (thanks Graham!):

“”The Tide Is High (Get The Feeling)” is still at number one for a third week. Well obviously. Who’s gonna argue with me now? Loads of new entries this week, and none can beat My Kittens. Proof I’m right. And the Get The Feeling bit is especially fabulous, thank you Natasha. But on to her casualties:

Liberty X are at number two. A pointless boring pleasant cover version with a rubbish stuck on bassline, everything that “The Tide Is High” is meant to be rubbish for (but isn’t, obv, unlike this). If “Got To Have Your Love” is the best the chart lizards can do than tt’s an insult to the kitten and despite having surely been in the same room as Noel from Hear’say, all involved should be killed.

Kelly Kelly Kelly. In at number three with “DO YOU SEE??!?!”, probably missing out on a higher position because The Osbournes hasn’t started on Channel 4 yet. She has a dandy go at making Madonna sound like Daisy Chainsaw, and for that I can only praise her. And CB radio vocals are very, very much the way forward, (cf. Puretone). Well done.

Number four, Bombfunk MC’s ft. Orville the Duck. Or Scooter as you might know them. It has a shouty Euro-cockney, and what he shouts rhymes. And it’s sweet and lonely and heartbreaking too. And somewhere in here there’s a KLF cover too. “I am a junglist soldier!” It’s a mess, a total mess. But fantastic. (Alright, it’s not all that good, but Christ are they trying).

I think the Ronan Keating record has a vocoder on it. In fact when I switched the radio on I remember wondering if it was a real record at all. But I’m sure it appeals to the elderly somehow, and I have no right to hate him for that.

Then Sarah Whatmore is at number six with a Kylie-style dance-pop record with a lovely hummy bassline, and an intro taken from Anastacia’s “I’m Outta Love”. She has a great name. Plus the song reminds me of Summer, everyone’s favourite precocious granddaughter from Neighbours (It does!!). And wasn’t Sarah on P-P-Pop Idol? Right? So wouldn’t she have been in THE SAME ROOM as G-G-Gareth and W-W-Will? Record of the week.

I haven’t heard the Milk Inc. record and know nothing about it. But it’s got to be something to do with the Milky record that’s also in the charts? And that’s good, so (6/10). Oh no, I heard someone apologising for its existence (8/10).”