(Apparently according to the BBC, its actually Day 14 of the Olympics – which means I have successfully avoided three whole days). I’m back from my holiday now, so work luckily has massively helped me avoid the Olympics. Because it is mostly on at night (when I am asleep) or the day (when I am at work) I feel that the record could be in my reach. All I accidentally saw today was part of the mens 10K swim, which is MADNESS I tell you. And appears to cause it too. In the interview afterwards the Brit who came second was asked about the last half of this two hour race. He admitted he couldn’t remember much and was pretty much delirious though that period (which explained why he couldn’t swim straight). So the Olympics have come to this, a sport where people can pull your shorts down, and kick you in the head whilst you poison yourself in a lake and lose the ability for rational thought. ACES!
If the IOC are happy to remain this lax here are some other sports they might want to try:
–Competitive Eating. It was everyones favourite bit in the Guinness Book of Records until anonymous McWhirter-a-likes took it out. Still going strong in the States though through MAJOR LEAGUE EATING.
-Gladiators. But without the pads, and taking the Pugil off the Stick.
-Viking. Or indeed any dodgy Japanese endurance test gameshow which may pop up on Eurosport when they have run out of money. Not Takeshi’s Castle though.
-Seeing who can grate their knees off the most with a cheese grater. Well, its as good as the rest.
The big issue with the 10K endurance swims has been a question mark about the quality of the water they are swimming in which some has said to be mildly poisonous. But then they moan that the weeds and algae have grown too much and could be a potential hazard. What is it – poisonous or teeming with life? Some British contestants apparently drank a bit of it in advance to make sure that their stomachs would be able to take the inevitable gobfulls that this swim would produce. What they are getting gobfulls of is less clear. Consider
a) 10K swim is the liquid equivalent of a marathon
b) Paula Radcliffe pisses herself though the marathon
c) Its in an already grubby lake.
MOUTH FULL OF PISS MINUTES: ONE
TOTAL OLMPIC MINUTES: FORTY EIGHT