Researchers have proven something that anyone who grew up watching Bagpuss could have told you years ago. Mice Sing. They also play a marvelous mechanical organ, and fix things, mend things and polish them up, up, up. Alas the report only has the love serenade part, but it is a step in the right direction.

Expect to find out why toads are boring old folkies and why wooden bookends are insufferably pompous. The tax advantages of naming a saggy old cloth cat as your shop manager are yet to be identified but apparently KPMG are on the case.