I AM TOM CRUISE (OR POSSIBLY BRYAN BROWN).
For the first time in about ten years I went to a party, and I made a mystery cocktail. I actually made three. In bucket quantities. This was something which as an entertainment’s rep at college I used to do all the time. Usually with only two or three types of cheap bouze at hand (the amount of Blue Cuaraco I got through in 1993 should be illegal). Anyway its late Saturday night and there is a suggestion that some sort of mystery punch be made, and there is a suggestion that I make it because I work in a bar.
a) I don’t work in a bar – I manage a bar
b) That still would not qualify me to make industrial strength cocktails in a bucket
c) I was drunk, so I obviously thought I would be wonderful at this.
Three drinks were made in full. The first was made with Vodka, a mystery south American liquer, lemon schnapps, orange juice and lemonade in about equal volumes: it went down a storm. It took us a while to work out what it tasted of, but then it hit us like a bolt from the blue. Two Dogs. Somehow I had come across the secret recipe for an admittedly stronger version of the scourge on the 1995 bar. Alcoholic Lemonade cubed.
The second drink was weaker due to a slip with the soda water. More of the mystery liqueur, which when tried neat tasted like a nuttier tequila. Southern Comfort and Pimm’s sloshed in equal measures and then plenty of crushed cherries and soda water. The crushed cherries did not seem to do much to the taste and the overall blandness of this flavour suggested to me that what this particular cup needed was some roughly ripped basil. Need might be overstating the case, but this was warmly received as being at least not quite as strong.
Finally I turned my hand back to the cherries. This time I crushed them to a pulp and swilled the vodka and gin in carefully. Soda, to not over power the cherries, and tasting all the way brought the whole thing up with hints of lemonade. A simple cherry brew it all went a bit nuts by a last minute bolt of an idea to add Diet Coke to make some form of Cherry Coke. This being too weak for my liking it could only be sorted by the mystery liqueur.
Most of the guests had left at this point so I was left discussing the shocking case of the Australian Green Party taking the Aussie Forestry and Timber Union to court for environmental damage. Under such circumstances the frankly wonky taste of this final cocktail was barely commented on (I certainly kept changing the subject). But before you brand me the worst kind of alcoholic mark that I walked the two miles home and did not have a hangover the next morning. Ahhh creativity has yet again shown herself another outlet for me: ph34r my cocktail making skills. No fear it. Really.