Pop World Cup 2010: Group E – Cameroon 1 Netherlands 0

With Ian F’s Netherlands already safely through as group winners this is little more than a run out to keep their eye in, maybe let some of the fringe players have a go. It means a lot more for Weston’s Cameroon who can confirm their place in the last 16 with a victory here, and cement his reputation.

(There appears to be some sort of dog on the pitch in the other match in this group, hopefully this won’t delay the start by too much, we’ll bring you full coverage as soon as it kicks off…)

Voting on this poll closes at midnight on Sunday 18th April

CAMEROON Francis Bebey – “Tumu Pakara The Manager Says “I got lost today. I was walking out in Sutton Coldfield, far out, somewhere around Little Aston. I passed a church. I passed a tennis club. I passed a golf course. It took some time before I realised I was lost. It seemed to me that the appealing thing about this place was its stillness, perhaps its blankness. I was trying to get back to the main road. I was on a street. It was the middle of the day. In some of the houses I could see television sets playing music videos, cartoons. There were no cars visible and no people. That is to say, in the drives of a few houses there were stationary, empty cars, but none drove past me in either direction. Distantly, I could hear the barking of a dog in some distress. I came across another tennis club. The courts were surrounded by high wooden fences. I could not see in, but I could hear a tennis ball being batted gently back and forth and the scrape of feet on gravel. I moved along the fence to roughly where the sounds were coming from. Excuse me, I shouted. Excuse me. I heard the ball hit racquet strings awkwardly and bounce and dribble to a halt. Then I could hear nothing. Or rather, I thought I could hear the sound of people trying to be still – a nothing sound punctuated by occasional ambient noise: a scrape, a dull thud. Excuse me, I shouted again, I’m sorry to disturb your game, but I’m afraid I’m lost, could you help me get back to the main road? I waited for a reply, but nothing came. I thought I could discern the sound of someone trying to control their breathing. Please, I shouted again, I’ve been searching for the main road for over an hour, could you just point me in the right direction? Again, I waited and again there was nothing. I banged on the wooden fence in frustration. I strode around the perimeter of the tennis club, seeking an entrance. But the wooden gate was bolted from the inside and too high to climb. Crestfallen, I walked away. Halfway down the road I thought I could hear the sounds of the tennis game restarting. I considered going back, but I managed to control my frustration and continued on. It took me a further hour and a half to get back to the main road.”

NETHERLANDS The Black Atlantic – “Heirloom” The Manager Says “Through a combination of superlative skill and outrageous good fortune, we’ve reached the position of being certainties to top group E with a game to spare. At this point we are, you could say, playing for ourselves. And if anyone votes for us, it’s a bonus.”

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Commentary Box Analysis An intriguing tie here, both managers choosing to step away from the thud and blunder that has characterised a number of ties in this third group round. The Cameroon track, marvellously, seems to evoke getting lost in Sutton Coldfield almost perfectly, as they attempt to hypnotise the Dutch side into scoring a series of improbable own goals. The Netherlands track itself is a contemplative number, I wouldn’t go as far as saying that the second stringers have gone into a sulk about not making the first team, but we’ve seen this sort of behaviour by Dutch teams of the past…

Coming Next In group F, with New Zealand already through, Italy have to marmalise (technical term) Slovakia to stand a chance of getting into the last 16, but Paraguay can’t afford to hope goal difference is enough to see them through…