This Summer: Triggers Will Be Freaky
So I just stumbled across the impressive effects looking but terribly edited new trailer for the remake of Clash Of The Titans. Here you can see it yourself.
Yes, that’s right. The tagline is indeed: TITANS WILL CLASH.
Which if I remember the original isn’t exactly what happens. More Epic Heroes will kill stop motion creatures with mirrors. But the Harryhausen film holds a soft spot in my heart, even though Harry Hamlin is no-ones idea of Perseus. Anyhoo: TITANS WILL CLASH. Such a simple formation if only other films did that. We could have seen some of these:
KIDS WILL SPY
VAMPIRES WILL BE INTERVIEWED
TAXIS WILL BE DRIVEN
In the theatre: “This Summer, A SALESMAN WILL DIE”
STARS WILL WAR
WORLDS WILL WAR
AND BRIDES TOO
THE KING WILL RETURN
AS WILL THE JEDI
LAMBS WILL BE SILENCED
LAS VEGAS WILL BE LEFT
PARENTS WILL BE MET
AS WILL FOCKERS
CHINESE BOOKIES WILL BE KILLED
THE EARTH’S CENTRE WILL BE JOURNEYED TO (potentially in 3D)
THE BOURGEOISIE WILL BE CHARMING, DISCREETLY
BILL WILL BE KILLED
NUNS WILL RUN
JESSE JAMES BY THE COWARD ROBERT FORD WILL BE ASSASSINATED
THE SOUP WILL CONSIST OF DUCK
THE FEATHERS WILL COME FROM HORSES
THE OPERA IS WHERE THE NIGHT WILL BE SPENT AT
THE RACES IS WHERE THE DAY SHALL BE SPENT
A PENALTY IS WHAT THE GOALKEEPER WILL BE AFRAID OF
THE FOURTH OF JULY WILL BE BORN ON
THEY WILL BE HAD BY SOME MOTHERS
THE SOUFFLE WILL BE ABOUT
WORRYING WILL BE STOPPED AND THE BOMB LOVED
HEAT WILL BE LIKED BY SOME
LOVE WILL ACCOMPANY YOU AS YOU LEAVE RUSSIA
THE GUN THAT THE MAN HAS WILL BE GOLDEN
MOONS WILL BE RAKED
SPIES WILL LOVE
And finally
GOOD WILL HUNTING
(Thanks to Matt, Eli, Mark S, Tom, Jenn, Tim, Katie, Ewan, Hazel, Kat, Magnus, Meg and Rob for coming up with that list in FIVE MINUTES – comments section is for you…)
Pete Baran in Do You See / FT • Film • 535 views • Share/Save
the movie will be kentucky fried
gastsy will be great
the impact will be final
Workers will leave the Lumiere Factory!
At La Ciotat Station, a train will arrive!
THE LOVE WILL BE A STRANGE DOCTOR -or- THE BOMB WILL BE LESS WORRISOME, MORE LOVEABLE
Running Will Be Done By Logan
The Green Will Be Soylent
MUSIC HAS A SOUND
Under the Direction of the Marquis de Sade, the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton will perform The Persecution and Assassination of Jean-Paul Marat (Sade\Marat)
(Oh, bugger, Strangelove was in the original post!)
The Re-acquisition Of Stella’s Groove Will Be Documented
Twice will be the only amount of times you live
I will be loved by a spy
Solace will be quantummed
The Ball Will Be A Monster’s
MARTIN GUERRE RETOURNERA
Balls will thunder
Love will arrive from the former Soviet Union
MONSIEUR HULOT PARTIRA EN VACANCES
The Trouble Will Be Big, But The China? Oh So Little!
The Car’s Whereabouts Will Be Unknown, Dude!
I can’t help feeling we’ve lost our way, somehow.
The Panther will be Pink
(courtesy of Mrs Pilgrim)
A dozen will be dirty (©MrsP)
Seven will be magnificent
…must…stop
LES TEMPS PERDU WILL BE RECHERCHED
A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN IS THE THING ON THE EDGE OF WHICH THERE WILL BE A WOMAN
I think it got missed out, so-
THE APOCALYPSE WILL BE NOW
PIKACHU WILL GO ON VACATION
INTENTIONS WILL BE CRUEL
THE RIGHT ONE WILL BE LET IN
DAWN WILL BREAK
THE BOY WILL WEAR STRIPED PYJAMAS
BREAKFAST WILL BE AT TIFFANY’S
YOU WILL BE THANKED FOR SMOKING
DOGS WILL BE IN OPPOSITION TO CATS
THE GRINCH WILL STEAL CHRISTMAS
Also of course Harry Hamlin is millions of people’s idea of Perseus!
DAISY WILL BE DRIVEN
THE RIGHT THING WILL BE DONE
CHRIST WILL BE TEMPTED FOR THE LAST TIME
BRIDESHEAD WILL BE REVISITED
Trains will be spotted, fiction will be pulped, and the the bourne will be conspired, ultimated and supremacized. And the god will be fathered three times.
the summer after next..
TITANS WILL BE REMEMBERED
STUFF WILL BE RIGHT
BLADES WILL BE RUN
and
THE POINT WILL VANISH