Feb 07

The Top 50 Women Who Really Understand Men

Do You See + FT + Proven By Science + Pumpkin Publog + The Brown Wedge12 comments • 2,626 views

minnie Irrational. Contradictory. Mad. The top 50 is an irrational list. But what do you expect – it was voted for by men!

We at Freaky Trigger towers were shocked when we saw the Observer Woman Magazine’s Top 50 Men Who Really Understand Women article – it seemed somewhat familiar! Surely, we thought, this couldn’t have been stolen from an up and coming Freaky Trigger article?? We hereby bring the publication of of Freaky Trigger’s Top 50 Women Who Really Understand Men forward for your delectation. In it, you will find women who understand men are drunks, women who understand their function as breast carriers, women who have carved out new ground within the fiercely competitive mens footwear market, and women who know that the true function of men is to be ground under heel like dogs. Your panel consists of a bunch of flabbergasted male drunks, and one exhausted female drunk who took dictation.


50 Minnie Mouse
49 Lembit Cheeky Girl
48 Andie McDowell
47 Trinny & Susannah
46 Rebekah Wade
45 Sinead O’Connor
44 Agatha Christie
43 Sophie Kinsella
42 Essie Carmichael
41 Karen Brady

40 Minnie the Minx
39 Anne Widdecombe
38 Virgin Mary
37 Carol Vorderman
36 Kathy Bates
35 Andrea Dworkin
34 Posh Spice
33 Doctor Susan Marten who invented the Doctor Marten boot – wikipedia as unreliable as ever there I note.
32 Emma Freud
31 Jordan

30 Germaine Greer
29 Cynthia Pain
28 Jackie Collins
27 Hilary Clinton
26 Nurse Gladys Emmanuel
25 Kate Moss
24 Marge Simpson
23 Pamela Anderson
22 Cherie Blair
21 Ellen deGeneres

20 Anna Nicole Smith
19 Billie
18 Gaby Logan
17 Verity Lambert
16 Michelle Shocked
15 Kylie
14 Thora Hird
13 Valerie Solanis
12 Lara Croft
11 Jo Whiley….


10 Eve Pollard
9 Sandi Toksvig
8 Marie Stopes
7 Delia Smith
6 Helen Fielding
5 Amy Winehouse
4 Judi Dench
3 Hattie Jacques
2 Nancy Friday
1 Maggie Thatcher

A Freaky Trigger panel is available for further list making duties, though I wouldn’t recommend it…


  1. 1
    Sarah on 12 Feb 2007 #

    My posting in multiple channels just proves how beyond category how diverse and meaningful this list really is!

  2. 2
    CarsmileSteve on 12 Feb 2007 #

    bah, Valerie Solanis wuz robbed!

    the MAIN problem with the original list is it STARTS with number 1 and then number 50 is like 10 pages later, silly girls…

    the list of women who picked for the list includes some, y’know, pretty sensible, intelligent people, so how did they come up with this???

  3. 3
    Sarah on 12 Feb 2007 #

    The few decent picks are just outweighed by the likes of NICK HORNBY at #13! Girls you must have been overdoing it on the cocktails (or did you have a fall from yr 6ft heels ouch back in the knife drawer says yr correspondent slobbin’ it in flats)!

  4. 4
    Sarah on 12 Feb 2007 #

    And never mind my objection that so much of this is just based on SELLING things to women blah. Consumerism != understanding! And I would seriously argue that fat-tongued Oliver has ‘released’ any women from kitchen dotage – more like the blokes took over the kitchen with a new flame torch toy but when it’s back to dinner on the table I wonder who makes it – hehehe with writing like this I could get a job on the Daily Mail! COME ON PAUL DACRE (#16)!

  5. 5
    CarsmileSteve on 12 Feb 2007 #

    oh we could sit here all afternoon picking it to pieces. if only we had the time…

  6. 6
    Steve Mannion on 12 Feb 2007 #


  7. 7
    CarsmileSteve on 12 Feb 2007 #

    sandi toksvig, michelle shocked and ellen degeneres were the token picks from that category, although ms lang was mentioned in dispatches…

  8. 8
    jeff w on 12 Feb 2007 #

    Shouldn’t #49 be Lembit Cheeky Girl’s MUM?

    haha Cynthia Pain DYS

  9. 9
    Sean on 12 Feb 2007 #

    It’s Cynthia PainE if you’re bovvered.

    Did Minnie Driver not make the cut, along with the other minis? And whither Mariella Frostrup?

  10. 10
    CarsmileSteve on 12 Feb 2007 #

    mariella frostrup does loads of voice overs, and nothing much else, yet she seems to get by…

  11. 11
    AllyMcBile on 16 Mar 2007 #

    This is absolutely brilliant! Thank you so much for a stroke of genius.

    The same article inspired us to start a whole blog devoted to the pustule that is Observer Woman Magazine. Come by and say hi! Observer Woman Makes Me Spit

  12. 12
    Sally OhNo on 27 Mar 2007 #

    Amazing – and actually doesn’t need any explanation whatsoever. Nurse Gladys indeed, too bloody right!

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