retrospective turner prize for the british empire at its implausible victorian height :

i. for lord cardigan for modellin the cardigan, after
ii. leadin the charge of the light brigade right into the russian guns, then
iii. decidin that hand-to-hand skirmishin is beneath him as a lord so saunterin home BACK down the “Valley of Death”TM (live cannon still to the left and/or right of him) and off to his YACHT the DRYAD
iv. on return to england, while condemnation of the crimean war raged in the press, helped by many a letter from cardigan himself explainin how he alone was a blameless military genius, decidin to marry a girl called adeline, more than 30 years younger than him, even tho his first wife was still around, and…
v. thus ushering into the footnotes of deathless history adeline’s dad, mr SPENCER HORSEY de HORSEY of grebt glemham