Wales are trying to get to Euro 2004 through the back door, after a doping scandal in the Russia team. They want the 0-0 draw in the first leg replaced with a 3-0 victory for them. What I don’t understand is where this scoreline was plucked from – a 2-0 win would have got them through just as well, and if you’re going to throw on extra goals why not go for 4, 5, why not go for a historic national record victory? Were there three particular tackles in which the midfielder in question looked particularly wide-eyed?

(Also if scorelines get changed like this do the phantom goals get credited to anybody? Maybe they should be raffled off for charity.)